


An Ordinary Life

by lea_ysaye



Series: Town & Country [2]
Category: Actor RPF, Norman Reedus - Fandom, Real Person Fiction, The Boondock Saints RPF, The Walking Dead RPF
Genre: Angst, Drinking, Emotional Hurt, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Headaches & Migraines, Het, Hurt/Comfort, I am whumping them hard in so many ways, Illnesses, M/M, Mary Sue, New Relationship, On Purpose, Seasickness, Sickfic, Whump, this is a sequel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-23
Updated: 2016-02-06
Packaged: 2018-05-15 17:48:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 35,885
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5794012
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lea_ysaye/pseuds/lea_ysaye
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Norman and Lea explore their new relationship. With their busy schedule and various demands on their time and energy things aren't always easy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> A word on chronology: I use rl events as inspiration but move them around to fit the story. This sequel starts somewhere before the last chapter of A City's Tale.
> 
> This is an experiment. I don't usually write het, and I certainly don't write Mary Sues. But I wanted to give it a go. On purpose, to see what happens. :)
> 
> There will be a little sex, I'm sure, even though writing het is still weird to me. I'm trying not to make the story cringe-worthy. The point is not to make the character based on me into the perfect woman. It's more a "Could he fall in love with an ordinary-ish person" sort of thing.
> 
> My real name isn't Lea, but I gotta call her something so that name will do nicely.
> 
> Let me reiterate: This is fanfiction. Not real. Made up. Not a manual on how to meet a celebrity either. I don't know Norman, or any celebs. Please remember where reality ends and fiction starts. And don't bite strangers. Ever.

It had been an awfully long shift. Lea put the clipboard on the front desk and stretched, hand on her back. She winced as she felt her sternum crack.

Why was she so tired? She was used to this, twelve hours on her feet. But right now her back was more than a little sore, her feet hurt and she just wanted to crawl into bed.

Her cell buzzed in her pocket. The sound still startled her, she wasn’t used to carrying her phone at work. But things were different now, and it was easier to just be available all the time.

Since her shift was as good as over Lea allowed herself to check the phone right away. Her face lit up when she saw that it was indeed a message from Norman, just as she’d thought.

_Hey baby girl, how’s work? U got 10 mins can I call? X_

Lea’s smile was replaced by a slight frown. He had called her _baby girl_ a few times in the last couple of weeks when he’d had bad news, or needed something from her. But then she had to smile again, despite herself. The mere fact that she knew him well enough already to anticipate what he’d call her in a given situation was making her unreasonably, ridiculously happy. She quickly hit reply.

_Just finishing handover. Will call u in 15… x_

Always thorough to a fault, Lea nevertheless had to take care not to let her mind wander too much on the last few bits of instructions she was giving the day shift before hurrying into the junior doctor’s changing rooms. As she walked she got her phone out again and pressed the speed dial button. Norman answered on the first ring.

“Morning doc.”

“Morning. You’re up early. It’s 5am.”

“Couldn’t sleep, too much to plan…”

“Don’t give yourself another migraine over it, huh?”

“Good point…” There was a sigh at the other end. “Listen, babe…got some stuff come up unexpectedly. Bike show shit, someone fucked up and we gotta smooth things out before we can move on to the next thing…”

Lea knew where this was going, and it made her heart feel heavy. She pre-empted him, knowing how much he hated letting anyone down.

“If it’s not convenient for me to come down tomorrow, don’t worry about it. We’ll do it another time…”

There was a pause, and another sigh. “I hate this, y’know… I wanted you here so much. Show you the place…”

“Hey, they’re not gonna ban foreigners from visiting Georgia anytime soon, are they? I’ll come next time you’ve got a few days to spare, don’t worry.”

“You sure?”

“Yes, I’m sure. You’re busy this weekend, and it wouldn’t be much fun just sitting in your house while you get drunk with suits.”

“Haha…”

“Listen, I’m knackered. Still have to get home in one piece. Call me tonight?”

“Will do, babe. Drive safe, and get some real sleep, ok?”

“Hark who’s talking… have a good day, darling.”

“Thanks. Speak later, bye.”

“Bye.”

Lea thumbed the phone off, feeling disappointment bubble up. She hadn’t wanted to make him feel bad, so she’d kept a lid on it just now, but the thought of going to Georgia, of seeing him again, had been what had sustained her all week.

It had only been two weeks since that awful night at the jazz club, and they’d both hoped that a few days in Georgia would help them get over that and see where things were moving to now. Because things were definitely moving, and Lea had an inkling where to.

Oh well, if that inkling was correct then there’d be plenty of time to be together. Lea turned toward her locker and started to change into her street clothes. She really had to get to bed, she felt beat.

When she emerged from the changing rooms ten minutes later and made her way across the ER toward the exit she felt discomfited to notice several of her colleagues staring at her intently. Did she have something on her face? Or had she – her heart lurched – left the changing room without putting her jeans on? Lea was about to look down and check when she noticed her favorite nurse Kathy waving at her and beckoning her over.

Lea approached the nurses’ desk, puzzled. When she got close she could see that her colleagues were clustered around a long, white box.

“You got an admirer, Dr. Winters?” One of the day shift nurses giggled.

“What do you mean?”

In reply Kathy pointed at the box. “It’s addressed to you. Open it!”

Apprehensive and confused Lea did so without thinking. When the lid came off the box she gave an involuntary gasp.

What must have been two dozen red roses with impossibly long stems lay nestled in white tulle paper, looking, Lea thought, more expensive than any present she had ever gotten in her life. Feeling dazed she picked up the small, gold-embossed card lying on top.

 _Sorry doc… x_ , it read. Lea quickly put it in her pocket.

“Who are those from?” The day nurse’s voice was hushed as she stared at the roses.

“No…no idea…” Lea lied, clearing her throat. “No name. Excuse me…”

She snatched up the box in her arms, lid only half on, then turned and walked away quickly without another word.

When she got to her car she opened the driver’s door, bundled herself in quickly and dumped her bag and the box onto the passenger seat. Then she sat there, panting. After a minute, without thinking, she reached out a finger and lifted the slightly crumpled lid off the box an inch or so. She could see the red petals glinting and snatched her hand away as if scalded.

That had been…unexpected. Not that he was sweet and thoughtful, and sorry that they wouldn’t see each other after all. She knew all of that was true, but he’d just told her as much. Why this grand gesture? It was a little ostentatious, wasn’t it? Never mind out of character… And why send them to her workplace? Did he _want_ everyone to know about the two of them? Maybe he did, on some level… they hadn’t really talked about it.

Was this another case of Norman thinking he had to mollify her with an expensive gift? That she expected something like this?

Her phone buzzed in her bag and Lea gave a start. Fishing it out she was sure she knew who the message would be from. She was right.

_U got them yet? They ok? U like them? Or too much…? X_

She had to smile at that. He _was_ sweet, that guy. And evidently just as much at sea with their… thing as her. Lea quickly typed a reply.

_They’re quite something. My colleagues were impressed._

The reply came within seconds.

_Too much, I knew it! Damn… I’m sorry?_

Lea frowned. Why did he worry so easily?

 _No, darling_ , she wrote back hurriedly, _not too much. I love them. Speak later, kk? x_

_Ok. I’ll call u. Sleep well! X_

Shaking her head Lea put the phone away with a smile. It would probably be a while for him to trust her when she said she didn’t need this sort of thing, and for her not to freak out at expensive presents. Lea glanced into the box again. Truly, they were beautiful and exquisite, these roses.

Shame she had no vase to put them in, never mind a suitable place to have them on display.

*

“’lo?”

“Hey babe… uh, did I just wake you? ‘s only 9pm…”

“It’s fine, don’t worry… went to bed really early. I meant to text, must’ve fallen asleep before I was even lying down… Decided to go into work tomorrow, since, well…”

“’m sorry about that… and for waking you up. Damn…”

“Hey, it’s no big deal. And you didn’t know I’d decided to take a couple extra shifts.”

“Still… I keep messing up… listen, got my new itinerary sorted. I’ll now be in New York two days next week, just before the cruise.”

“Oh, yeah… is that coming up already? But when you’re here you’ll be busy prepping for the bike show, no? Tie up the loose ends with David on the bikes and the cameras? Don’t worry if you can’t squeeze me in…”

“You don’t wanna get together? I thought it’d be nice… but if, y’know…”

He sounded genuinely disappointed. Lea rubbed her face. Oh dear, she really was still half asleep.

“Of course I want to see you, darling. I’m sorry… When are you here?”

“Wednesday to Friday. Flying out again Friday lunchtime. Wanna come over Wednesday night?”

“Sure. Hey, thanks again for the roses, they really are beautiful.”

“Yeah, well, that was just corny, I get that now…”

“No, it wasn’t! Listen, we’ll get there in the end. I need to learn not to freak out so easily…”

“You didn’t freak, it was me. I get these ideas… Listen, go back to sleep now, and I see you Wednesday, ok? We can have that take-out and Netflix evening you keep mentioning…”

“I can see where this is going,” Lea smiled, hoping that her teasing tone would carry. “Better shave my legs, then.”

“I know what you Europeans are like, doc, don’t pretend. Nothing I haven’t seen before, buncha cave people, you…”

“Tosser…” Lea said affectionately, and was glad to hear Norman chuckle appreciatively.

“Night, baby girl.”

“Goodnight, darling. You go to sleep soon too, y’hear me?”

“Yes, mum!”

“Watch it…”

“I’d rather watch you shave your legs…”

“Goodnight, Norman!”

“Night, doc.”

*

Lea had another delivery at work on Monday. This time she took the mercifully much smaller box outside on her lunch break and went to a Starbucks a stone’s throw away from the ER entrance. Kathy and the other nurses had given her a knowing look, and she’d heard someone mutter “ _box of chocolates, what next”_ and “ _sugar daddy”_. Lea decided to ignore them.

But she was puzzled. Why would Norman send her another present? They’d only texted a few times over the weekend. He’d not gone into any detail, but Lea got the impression that he was insanely busy right now. She briefly thought it odd that he worked so hard even on weekends, but since that was pretty normal for her she hadn’t given it much thought.

Now, with a double latte in front of her, Lea was keen to solve this latest mystery. She tugged on the string that was holding the box closed, then lifted the lid.

Inside was another, smaller box, with a post-it note attached.

 _Call me when u get this! X,_ the note read.

Lea stared at the box underneath the post-it. It was a brand new, pink iPhone 6s. She felt confused, and instantly discomfited.

Did he expect her to call him with this? She gave herself a mental shake. Well, that hardly mattered. But why on earth had he sent her a cell? She had an LG Android phone that was working perfectly fine, and she didn’t take kindly to hand-outs. Surely he knew at least that much by now… Only one way to find out…

Lea dug in her bag for her own phone and tapped in the passcode, then speed dialed his number. Norman answered on the second ring.

“Don’t be mad!”

That stumped her again. Lea said nothing, slightly impressed that he’d anticipated that to be her likely reaction. So he _knew_ this wasn’t an appropriate present. Mollified and curious, Lea tried for humor instead, her preferred mode for deflection.

“Did you send it because you thought it’d match my car?”

He chuckled, and she thought she could hear his relief even in that small sound. Good. Last thing she wanted was him to get upset, now that she was sure something more than met the eye was going on here.

“No, but now you say that, it sort of does, doesn’t it? I…well, I was gonna give it to you in person on Wednesday and explain… It’s so I can call you when I’m abroad. I was thinking about the cruise, and well… if I call you from the Bahamas it’ll cost you, and you wouldn’t call me, and… I didn’t like that, so I got you the phone… it’s contract, unlimited texts and minutes domestically, so use it as much as you want…”

He was rambling now, and she knew he was nervous that he’d upset her, and probably a bit embarrassed that he’d even thought of all of this. But she had zeroed in on just one thing…

“You’re not coming Wednesday, are you?”

There was a pause, and his voice sounded small when he finally spoke.

“No… I’m sorry…stuff…came up, again…”

“You’ve got the appointment with the psychiatrist Friday morning.”

Of all the things she’d wanted to say, and all the feelings of disappointment she wanted to vent, this should not have been the first or most important thing she said. Damn! Lea rubbed her eyes.

“I know, and I’m not cancelling that. I’m still coming, but I’m taking the red eye Thursday night, go to the appointment in the morning, and then straight to the airport and Florida…”

“I…” But then Lea hesitated. Would she dare add to his stress?

“What, babe?”

“No, no, it’s silly…”

“You’ve not once said a silly thing to me. Spit it out!”

“All right… I could still come over Thursday night?”

Now it was his turn to hesitate. Lea’s heart was hammering loudly. Had she gone too far?

“I was hoping you wouldn’t have to come over specially…” His voice was very quiet now.

“What…,” she began, but he interrupted.

“Look under the phone.”

Lea picked up the elegant little box with trembling fingers. Below it was a set of keys, glinting and new, except for one which looked well-used. Lea recognized that fob key from when she’d lived with Carmine. It opened the door at street level.

“You…” Her voice threatened to give out. She cleared her throat and tried again. “You’re giving me keys to your flat?”

“I know it’s too soon, and I’m not saying you gotta move in or something… it’s just, it’d be so much easier for us to see each other…”

Lea had to chew on this one. She felt a smidgen of irritation bubble up at the realization that he’d first and foremost thought about his own convenience with this. It’d be easier for him, sure. All he had to do was go home when he felt like it, and she’d be there, waiting… but she scolded herself for that thought immediately. That wasn’t his reasoning at all, and she knew it.

Yes, this was going to make life easier for him. But so what? He deserved it, he worked so hard. And she would benefit just as much as him. Norman clearly wanted to make a good go of this, and was coming up with ways to make that possible. He wasn’t inconveniencing her, and she knew he didn’t expect her to be at his beck and call.

“Was this wrong, babe? I didn’t mean to rush you…”

He sounded distraught again. Lea realized she’d been silent for almost a minute, a long time when you can’t see the other’s facial expression. She picked the keys up and held them in a slightly trembling hand.

“No, honey, not at all wrong. Bloody brilliant, actually!”

He laughed, relief palpable. “You can go over whenever you like. I’ve told the cleaner not to freak you out. She comes Thursday mornings…”

“What about Mingus?” Lea had yet to meet Norman’s teenage son.

“He’s with his mum all through the end of February. I’ve got too much on. He’s a good kid, but now that he’s discovering girls aren’t gross I don’t always trust him on his own… Listen, I gotta be at a meeting in half an hour. See you Thursday night, really late?”

“Sure…”

“Oh, almost forgot… feed Eye for me Thursday? I told Joanne to look in all the other days, but to steer clear on Thursday…”

“Of course. I’ll see you Thursday night, then.”

“Great! Can’t wait…”

“Me either. Bye, darling.”

“Bye, babe.”

*

It just felt…weird. Lea sat on the sofa, cradling a mug of tea, hardly daring to move. She’d been at the penthouse for less than an hour, and still felt no less nervous than when she’d first let herself in through the door.

All the while, as she’d opened the street door, taken the elevator to the sixth floor and unlocked Norman’s front door Lea had been tense, prepared for someone to stop her and demand to know what she thought she was doing. She still half expected the police to come knocking any minute.

Other than feeding Eye and making herself the tea Lea hadn’t touched anything. There were post-it notes everywhere, inviting her to eat and drink whatever she liked, and to watch a movie, play video games, or – and that one had made her laugh a bit nervously – take a bath. There were even candles and a pink, fluffy bathrobe set out by the tub.

Lea wasn’t sure whether the notes were in Norman’s handwriting. She’d not seen him do more than sign his name so far, but she hoped they’d been his idea. Then she realized that even if he’d written them somebody else must’ve put them all around the place.

She hoped it hadn’t been Joanne.

Now what to do while she waited? The earliest she could expect Norman home was half past midnight, and it was only shortly after 9pm. Lea hadn’t felt comfortable to come over any earlier that day, let alone several days, even though he’d told her she could. Only the thought that Eye might go hungry had convinced her that she shouldn’t wait until the last minute.

Maybe she’d watch a movie. There were a couple of books in her overnight bag, as well as some research papers she had yet to find the time to read for their clinical study, but Lea felt too tense. She’d not be able to concentrate, she knew.

Getting up off the sofa she went over to where the giant TV hung on the wall, crouched down in front of the cupboard she assumed held the DVDs, and opened the doors.

There appeared to be hundreds of DVDs, all neatly lined up by a system Lea couldn’t instantly fathom. Slightly overwhelmed she scanned the rows. Her eyes alighted on the boxsets of _The Walking Dead_. She’d still not seen any of it. Lea wasn’t scared of zombies, but the longer she knew Norman the stranger the thought of seeing him on screen had become. She hadn’t even looked at Google again after the night in Harlem.

But if he wanted her in his life maybe it was time she learned a bit more about his work, too. Lea picked out Season One and put the first DVD into the player. It took her a couple of minutes to figure out the controls on the various remotes that were lying on top of the cupboard, but then the giant plasma screen came to life.

Lea returned to the sofa and sat down next to Eye, who was grooming himself enthusiastically. Petting the cat with one hand Lea pressed _Play_ with the other.

*

“Wake up, baby girl…”

“What…ahhh!”

Lea sat bold upright and her head nearly collided with Norman’s as he was bending over her. He pulled back just in time with a little yelp of his own.

Heart hammering, Lea looked around herself. Norman was crouching next to her, and his face now lit up with a huge grin. He indicated the DVD sleeve lying on Lea’s lap. She must’ve fallen asleep still holding it.

“Did the walkers scare the shit outta you? I still get nightmares sometimes when I watch them do their thing just before bed, and I have lunch with those dudes on the regular…”

Lea rubbed her face, then shook her head. “Maybe it was more the fact that you snuck up right into my face that nearly gave me a heart attack, if you know what I mean…”

Norman only grinned more widely. “I didn’t sneak, actually. Nearly fell over that damn cat on the stairs. That should’ve even woken the undead… not you, apparently, tho. What you do, take some of your excellent meds yourself? Bit of R&R on your night off, huh?”

She stuck her tongue out at him, knowing he was only teasing. “I’ve worked three 12-hour shifts in the last 72 hours. I’m not as young as I was…”

As Lea swung her legs off the sofa she looked at Norman more closely. It was hard to see his face properly in the dim indirect lighting of the living room, but he looked exhausted to her, his eyes tiny and sore. His hair was even messier than usual and he’d not removed his baseball cap yet.

“Speaking of tired… when did you last sleep, honey?”

Norman shrugged. “I dozed on the plane.”

“Well, if I may say so, you look terrible. You got a busy weekend ahead, let’s go to bed right now…”

“Sure, but I was hoping we’d do something else there first…”

Norman got up out of his crouch, and taking both her hands, pulled her to her feet. Lea let him draw her close and lost herself for a moment in a gentle, drawn-out kiss. She’d missed this, his arms around her, feeling his strong, muscular upper body against her. Norman smelled of traveling and cigarettes, a little sweaty but still delicious to her. But when he pressed into her more closely, arousal clearly evident against her hip, Lea pulled away.

“Darling, it’s a school night for you. You need to sleep, or you’ll regret it. How would you like a migraine attack in the middle of the ocean surrounded by hormonal women?”

He looked a bit grumpy, but then grinned mischievously. “I like it when you talk dirty to me… school night, huh? Will you be my teacher?”

Lea rolled her eyes as she started pulling him toward the staircase and bed. “All you’ll get from me tonight is a spanking if you don’t listen to doctor’s orders…”

“Is that a promise?”

Lea couldn’t help but laugh as Norman stopped and spun her around. He pulled her close again and started kissing her face, neck and hands. She could feel his hands moving into the small of her back, then deft fingers dancing up her spine under her shirt, already busy with the bra clasp before she could get her wits together enough to pull away.

“I’ll be super quick, promise. ‘sides, it’ll put me to sleep nicely…”

Lea sighed distractedly. “Oh all right then, if that’s what it takes. I can be your sleeping meds if I have to… but don’t be so quick that I don’t even have time to take my pants off, ok?”

Norman shook his finger at her, grinning. “Watch it, doc. You got no idea how quickly I can make a woman scream my name…”

All the banter had the effect that Lea no longer felt sleepy, and Norman’s hands, which had somehow found their way under her bra and were now cupping her breasts easily pushed her from interested to aroused. Thoughtfully and slowly she hooked her fingers into the waistband of his jeans and pulled him close until she could feel his erection against her again, her own body now responding eagerly.

“C’mon then, zombie killer,” she said, as surprised at her own daring as at the hunger evident in his eyes, which no longer looked tired but instead were on fire. “Show a girl what you can do with that there then…”


	2. Chapter 2

Did this boat never stop moving?

Norman lay on the bed, hands bunched into the covers on either side of his hips. He tried to keep his eyes closed, willing the sickening, lurching sensation to subside. He knew it was all just in his head – literally. His inner ear was to blame, reacting to the tiny movements of the cruise ship on the water, magnifying them and telling his brain that what he saw as stable was in reality pitching and swaying violently.

He’d told nobody that he’d fully expected this to happen. He’d been on boats before, and the result had always been the same. But he’d not mentioned it to anyone. Not to Sean, his con agent, not to Greg. Not to Lea, either. She’d been worried he’d give himself a migraine with all the work and no sleep. Had he told her he was almost certainly going to have a different, albeit just as unpleasant problem, she would’ve asked him why in hell he’d ever agreed to this nonsense.

And he didn’t want to answer that question, the same one all of them – Greg, Sean, Andy, Jon – would’ve asked as well. It wasn’t that he didn’t know the answer to it, as he’d claimed sometimes in the past. He did know it, but this aspect of himself was increasingly embarrassing to him.

He was here, he’d said yes to this, as to so many of the cons and projects recently, because he was a big fat pussy. He couldn’t say no. Ever. To anyone. If someone wanted him to do something and it wasn’t totally out there for scheduling or budgeting reasons he always said yes. He always had, and now he didn’t know how to stop. The thought of disappointing anyone, of them thinking he didn’t like them or their project well enough to be involved, caused him almost physical discomfort.

And physical discomfort was just about the biggest understatement for what he was experiencing right now. Before boarding he’d asked Greg as casually and generally about seasickness on cruise ships as he could manage. Greg had shrugged.

“Most people are all right after a couple of hours.”

Oh why was he not most people?

The answer came unbidden, unwelcome: _Because you never fucking are._

The room tilted to one side and Norman’s eyes snapped open in the gloom of the cabin. The light in the bathroom was the only source of illumination, and it told him that in fact nothing was moving in the room, even though his sense of balance now insisted that he was nearly standing on his head.

Norman closed his eyes again, feeling cold sweat beading on his forehead. He placed one shaking hand on his stomach, which was engaged in a rollercoaster ride of its own.

Maybe the tequila shots he’d downed with Greg during that ridiculous panel had been a bad idea. Scrap that, the tequila had _definitely_ been a _terrible_ idea, and was now roiling and gurgling in his otherwise nearly empty stomach. Norman groaned, swallowing rapidly. He dearly wanted to curl up on his side, cradle his angry stomach and go to sleep. But he didn’t dare move.

He knew he’d not be able to hang on much longer.

It hadn’t been so bad at first. He was full on busy from the moment they’d boarded. Photographs, smiles, hugs and chatter all around, and he’d been sure the Meclizine and Dramamine he’d taken in slightly higher than recommended doses would be enough to keep him out of trouble. He’d also stuck a couple of anti-nausea patches on his shoulder, out of sight of nosy fans, and added a few motion sickness bracelets to the eclectic collection of wristbands he’d put on for the express purpose of disguise.

By the time the panel came around he’d known none of it had had a lasting effect. He’d already excused himself a couple of times, positive he’d puke on someone’s shoes any moment, and topped up the Dramamine in the bathroom, also with little effect.

The first shot of tequila had seemed like a good idea to calm his stomach, and it had done the trick, up to a point. The second one, he’d thought, might bolster that effect. Unfortunately, the fact that he’d not eaten anything since breakfast in another attempt to stave off sickness had meant that from the third shot onwards everything had been a blur.

Somehow he’d held it together. He’d let Greg do most of the talking. Nobody had noticed, it wasn’t unusual for him to stay in the background when there were other people happy to take the limelight.

And somehow he’d managed to hide from Greg just why exactly he was lurching and staggering along the deck like the worst land lubber ever on the way back to their cabins. Greg, more than a little inebriated himself, had only laughed when Norman had leaned against the metal wall at one point when the deck just wouldn’t stay still under his feet. He’d been sure he’d lose it then, sure he’d not even manage to stagger over to the railing before a good two-thirds of a bottle of tequila and a handful of anti-nausea pills made a reappearance.

But Greg had just taken him by the neck and, none too gently, pushed him along the deck toward their beds. Somehow, thanks to years of living a life in the public eye, Norman had managed to swallow back the nausea, the bile and the acrid taste of recycled tequila and staggered on.

That he’d simply become too good at swallowing back, suppressing, holding down anything that was bad and wrong and toxic hadn’t even occurred to him.

Greg was just next door now, probably passed out after hours of passion with his lovely wife. Norman hadn’t felt lonely at the thought of any of his friends’ relationships in years. And he’d been more than content on his own this past year.

But now, with his present being so unpalatable and the memories of Lea in his arms just last night, Norman wanted nothing more than her soothing presence by his side.

Her cool hand on his burning temple. Her expert fingers checking his pulse, preparing his meds. Her arms around him as the nausea got too much and he puked his guts up again and again.

The memories of migraines past were what did it in the end. A huge surge of nausea gripped his insides and he knew he only had seconds before he wouldn’t be able to hold this at bay any longer. As he rolled onto his side, stomach protesting at the sudden, quick motion, Norman was positive he’d never even make it into the bathroom. He’d never felt this sick, this humiliated, this miserable in his entire life.

That he was on a ship, while precisely the cause of his present predicament, saved some of his dignity in the end. Even in the suites the actors had been allocated everything in the room was within a few steps of the bed – even the bathroom.

One hand on his stomach, which was twisting itself into more and more painful knots, the other thrown out to catch himself against the wall as he staggered, all balance shot to hell, Norman made his way toward the light glowing from the bathroom like a beacon of hope.

Halfway there he was again sure he was done for. The ship lurched - _no it didn’t, you idiot, just keep walking_ – and Norman could feel his gorge rise. The urge to heave was overwhelming but somehow, drawing on all the discipline he’d developed over the years of keeping a public face intact, of keeping it all in, he managed to swallow it all back down.

Stomach now a ball of molten agony he pressed on. Clammy fingers, finally, on the doorframe. One step, two, and he was in the bathroom, squinting against the suddenly glaring light. He remembered the layout from earlier when he’d been in here to pee, there was no need to open his eyes properly to orient himself. Toilet – off in the far corner, next to the gleaming shower stall. Sink – right there, in front of him, a smudge of pure white through a curtain of tears.

Norman made for the sink and got there just as his body was losing the final battle of the day.

The bile-tequila-Dramamine mixture burned his throat terribly on the way up. It splashed over the white porcelain, sickly grayish-green, and onto the apertures, the wall, and him. The sink, he realized, was too small for this.

But for now there was nothing for it. A fresh wave of nausea gripped him and he heaved violently once, twice. Nothing came up. Norman groaned as his stomach cramped painfully, and dark bright flowers blossomed suddenly before his eyes. His knees were threatening to give way any second.

Pressing one hand to his mouth he turned and dropped to the floor in the approximate direction of the toilet, just as a fresh heave brought another wave of sick which trickled through his fingers and onto his shirt.

Shivering, and with the last bit of remaining strength, Norman pulled himself forward and got his head over the toilet. Finally he could allow himself to let go completely, give in to the monster that was clawing its way up out of his gut. He heard his stomach gurgle, readying for the great purge. With one enormous heave a wave of sick rose up, splashing into the water at the bottom of the toilet not a second later.

When it was over for the moment Norman rested his head on his arms crossed over the toilet, shaking. He’d not even had time to raise the seat, which he did now with trembling hands. He knew he’d be here a while, he might as well get comfortable.

At least, for the moment he could catch a breath. Taking advantage of it while he could Norman gulped air like he’d soon have to pay for it again, gagging slightly at the stench of bile and tequila. He flushed the toilet, then pushed himself back.

Norman closed his eyes and leaned his sweaty back against the shower cubicle. For now the nausea was almost bearable, calming like the roiling never ending waves of the ocean after a storm. Just the thought of the vast water beneath the ship made him shudder and he was sure he’d gag again. Tensing up, he waited, but mercifully for now the sensation passed.

The buzzing of the phone in his pants pocket startled him, and he groaned as the sudden, erratic movement made the sick feeling in his stomach triple again. For a moment he considered just ignoring the phone, but then he fished it out of his pocket. Maybe whoever it was would distract him from this feeling of utter misery.

The screen showed the new number that had come with the phone Norman had given Lea.

He hesitated. He dearly wanted to talk to her, hear her voice, let her calm soothe him as he fought this beast tearing his insides to shreds.

But at the same time he didn’t want to tell her how sick he was. He felt embarrassed and stupid and weak. Why did he keep fucking things up? Ok, maybe getting travel sick easily wasn’t his fault. But the tequila, and the pill overdose damn well had been.

After a few seconds’ grapple misery won over dignity. Norman picked up the call.

“Oh, Lea…”

His voice sounded worse than croaky in his own ears, and he felt himself flush with embarrassment at how close to tears he was.

“Honey? You ok?”

“No…”

He lowered the phone and groaned. The few words had brought on a new wave of nausea and Norman leaned forward just in time. He gagged violently and a thin trickle of bile splattered into the toilet, burning his already raw throat.

When he could breathe again Norman wiped his mouth on the back of his hand and raised the phone again. He didn’t dare relax back against the shower cubicle, though.

“Norman, darling? What’s going on… You there…?”

“’m here… sorry…”

Norman swallowed and made a face at the shredded, raw sensation in his throat. His stomach gave an angry, gurgling sound, and he drew his legs up, resting his burning forehead on his knees and hugging his legs tightly.

“Honey, what is it? Talk to me…”

“’m so sick… fucking boat…”

Just the words made him gag and shudder.

“Oh darling, I’m so sorry… did you know you might get seasick?”

Norman didn’t answer right away. Why was he always so stupid?

“Norman?”

“Y… Yeah, I knew I might… don’t fly so well, neither…”

“Why did you agree to this, then?”

There it was. The Big Question.

“I don’t know…,” he whispered, and thankfully, at least for now, Lea decided to leave it at that.

“Never mind… is it real bad? It sounds real bad…”

“Yeah, it’s bad all right…”

“Are you alone?”

“Yes.”

“You shouldn’t be. Can you ask someone to stay with you?”

“Dunno… don’t wanna bother nobody…”

“Honey, stop this right now! Greg’s on the boat, isn’t he?”

“Yeah…”

“You said he’s nice. Phone him now. I’m sure he’ll be happy to stay with you. And here’s a few more things you can do that’ll make you feel better quickly. You ok to remember them, or shall I phone back in ten and tell Greg?”

“No, ‘s ok. ’m listening…”

“Your suite got a balcony with sun beds?”

“Yeah…”

“Bundle up warm and take your music out there with you. Lie on the sun bed with some extra blankets, but so that you’re not looking out to sea. Put the music on, close your eyes and relax. Fresh air and rest will help. With me so far?”

“Greg, music, fresh air, yeah…”

“Good. Then ask Greg to call room service and order ginger tea, ginger biscuits or ginger jellies. They’re bound to have some of that on a ship.”

Norman shuddered at the thought of anything passing his lips.

“Hang on…”

He leaned over the rim of the toilet as his stomach spasmed again, expelling more greenish bile. His hands on the porcelain rim felt cold as ice. Then he picked up the phone from where he’d not even noticed he’d dropped it on the floor.

“’m back…”

“So sorry, honey… You can wait a little if you can’t get anything down, but I promise you, ginger tea will work wonders. Which anti-sickness meds did you bring?”

“Meclizine and Dramamine. Got some patches too, dunno…dunno what they are…”

Norman leaned back against the shower stall, trying to breathe through more sickness. He was beginning to shiver as the sweat covering his face, neck and back started to cool.

“I’ll text you some names for drugs in a minute. Get the ship’s doctor to give you a prescription asap. And take them, but don’t overdose. That’ll just make it worse.”

“Yeah, I noticed…”

“Oh honey! I wish I could do more. Right, get Greg now, and let him help you. I’ll call again in an hour or so, ok?”

“’kay… thanks baby girl. And ‘m sorry…”

“Oh Norman, what for? Poor darling… feel better soon, ok? Speak in a bit…”

“Ok…”

*

“Hello, Norman’s phone?”

“Uh, hi… this is Lea…”

“Yes, he said you’d call again. It’s Greg here.”

“Oh good, so he called you?”

“He did. Thanks for giving him a talking to. He gets a little funny about letting people help sometimes…”

“That he does… how is he?”

“Out like a light on the balcony.”

“Don’t leave him out there all night, he’ll catch cold.”

“I won’t. I’ll tuck him into bed soon. Your tips all worked, by the way. He’s had some ginger tea and ginger jelly, been out there with his music, resting…”

“Has he been sick again?”

“Once, when he’d first settled down outside. The tea took some getting used to, I think. He’s been fine since, though.”

“I sent him a text with some anti-sickness meds…”

“He showed me. The doctor has already been. Gave him a prescription, something called Maldemar, I think?”

“That’s the best one, yeah. It might make him drowsy during the day. Can he have more frequent breaks, to catch some air and rest if he needs to?”

“I’ll talk to Sean. Should be possible… Ship’s busy, but there aren’t nearly as many people as at other conventions. The doctor’s given him some different patches, too.”

“Good. Try and get him to cut back on the cigarettes tomorrow as well, if you can.”

“I’ll do my best. We’ve tried that for years, y’know…”

“I bet. He might not fancy them much if he feels sick, anyway… Listen, don’t let him overdose on the meds. It’ll just make him sicker.”

“Yeah, he said he might’ve overdone it earlier. The tequila didn’t help, either…”

“Tequila?!”

“I didn’t know he was feeling properly sick, or I wouldn’t have let him near it…”

“Christ…”

“Right? Ok, better get our prince to bed. We both need to pretend to be bright-eyed and bushy-tailed tomorrow…”

“You staying with him?”

“Of course, don’t you worry, sweetheart. Your boo’s safe with me.”

“Thanks, Greg. I’m looking forward to meeting you soon.”

“Likewise, doctor.”

“Call me if either of you need anything, ok?”

“Will do. Goodnight.”

“Night, Greg.”


	3. Chapter 3

“Lea, wake up… Dr. Winters…”

Lea heard her name, and on some level she knew what it meant, that someone was trying to rouse her. But she was so damn tired. All she wanted was sleep. Why could they not just let her sleep?

“m up, ‘m up… what happened?”

Vaguely, Lea knew she was at work, and that she wasn’t on-call. So why the heck was she asleep?

She forced her eyes open and saw Kathy’s face bending over her. Stifling a yawn she rubbed her eyes.

“You said you were just gonna sit down in here for ten minutes, finish your notes. That was, uh, an hour ago… I thought I better come check on you…”

“Damn… I’m sorry! Thanks Kathy, I’ll be out in five minutes. I promise…,” she added when Kathy looked dubious. “Just gotta wash my face.”

“All right…”

Still looking doubtful but evidently deciding it wasn’t an important enough matter to get into trouble over with a doctor Kathy reluctantly left the staff lounge.

It was the middle of the morning, and the room was mercifully deserted. Lea rubbed her eyes again. What was the matter with her? Why was she so tired? She’d done nothing but sleep when not at work this week, and still she felt exhausted. This had never happened to her before, falling asleep at work.

As she started gathering her things together Lea mused about that recently increased need for sleep. Maybe she was suffering from iron deficiency? She’d had problems with that before, like so many women. Or the grey New York winter was getting to her. But then, London had been just as grey. Or maybe she was just getting old. Or…

At that moment the iPhone started vibrating in her lab coat pocket. She’d taken to carrying it around at work instead of her usual phone. The reason she wanted to be available here was Norman, after all. He was still away on his cruise, and she definitely had to be reachable for him until he got off that damn boat.

But she detested that phone. She still hardly knew how to make a call on it, and hadn’t given the number to anyone else. So she knew it was him.

Since he’d been so terribly unwell the night before Lea was desperate for an update and took the call, even though she already felt guilty for sleeping on work time.

“Hey darling. How’re you feeling?”

“Morning, doc. Loads better, thanks! It’s still a fucking boat, but I haven’t puked on anyone today yet, that’s something…”

“Yeah, it is. That’d be a bit off-putting even for a hardcore fan, wouldn’t it?”

“You bet… Hey, I wanted to say thanks, for last night…”

“Don’t mention it…”

“You saved me again, and you did it from all the way over there. You’re amazing, doc…”

“Nah. I just talked some sense into you.”

“Yeah, well, I need that frequently…”

“I’ve noticed. Make sure you don’t overdo it today, ok? Plenty of breaks, and fresh air. Stay hydrated. Nothing will make you feel worse than not replacing the fluids you lost.”

“Will do. Ginger tea is pretty nice, actually. Greg’s asked them to bring me top-ups every half hour. And they put me right in the middle of the room, in the middle of the ship. Seems to help.”

“I’m so glad. Try and eat something too, if you can. And no coffee or booze, ok? And try cutting back on the fags…”

She could hear him grinning on the next words. “You do know that that’s a really rude word here, right? Go wash your mouth out, sweet baby girl…”

“Oh, shush, you… Let me know if you need anything else today, ok?”

“Actually…”

Lea’s heart sank. More bad news?

“What is it?”

“Had a message from the amc suits this morning. Something needs my presence there Monday morning…”

“There being Atlanta?”

“Yeah… gonna fly to Georgia tomorrow, then come to New York on Monday after that meeting. Got to get the last bits tied down with Shadi… David… before he heads off Monday afternoon. And do all the other last minute crap they need me to do in the city… but I don’t mind, at least I’ll get to see you Monday night. Early as fuck start Tuesday to haul ass back to Florida, but… you free Monday night, right?”

“I can be, yes. Wouldn’t it make much more sense if you could stay down in Florida though?”

“Welcome to my life…”

The tone was mocking, but to Lea he suddenly sounded awfully tired. She felt very sorry for him, having to deal with all of this while doped up on anti-nausea meds and probably still feeling pretty sick. But it irritated her nevertheless. Surely, with better planning, some of this crazy running around, and the resultant stress, could be avoided? And he had to learn to say no sometimes, he just had to. Surely, if nothing else, this weekend had taught him that?

“I’m sorry, honey…”

“Thanks… listen, I better get back. There’s still about 1,000 women who want to squeeze my butt…”

“You trying to make me jealous?”

“Is it working?”

“Not really…”

“And I was trying so hard… I’ll call you when I’m off the damn boat, ok? Can’t wait til we dock tomorrow…”

“I bet. Yes, call me then. But if you need anything, call me tonight. I hope you won’t have to, a repeat of last night would be awful!”

“God, don’t jinx it...” She could hear the shudder in his voice.

“And if you feel bad again, go to Greg, or the ship’s doctor, right away, ok? Don’t suffer in silence.”

“I won’t. Thanks, doc. You have a nice day, ok? Talk soon, miss you…”

“Me too. Take care, darling. Bye for now.”

“Bye.”

Lea smiled as she slid the phone back into her coat pocket. Thank goodness he was feeling better. That must’ve been horrible, being so sick and at work. Poor darling…

She yawned again, then pushed herself up to standing. But suddenly she staggered, feeling dizzy, and quickly sat down again, shaking. Her heart was hammering, her hands felt sweaty. She didn’t exactly feel sick, but there was definitely a strange, vertiginous sensation in her head. Oh the irony… maybe she should have some ginger tea herself.

What was going on with her? And then she remembered, that thought that had tickled the back of her mind just before Norman had called.

She cast her mind back. It was almost exactly four weeks since that first night they’d spent together. But it couldn’t be… they’d used protection, just like the other couple of times they’d slept together since. And there hadn’t been anything worrisome about it afterwards. But Lea knew, no method was absolutely safe, and you’d not always know if a condom had sprung a leak. And she hadn’t really paid attention, had let him deal with it. He knew what he was doing, after all.

Or did he?

Now her hands were definitely clammy and shaking, and her heart beat at 200 miles an hour. This was bad.

Badbadbad.

She didn’t want kids. She never had. She was 36 for crying out loud. This danger should almost be in the past, she’d hoped. And he… he wouldn’t…

But then Lea stopped her racing thoughts right there with an effort. No sense in panicking before she was sure. And the truth was, she didn’t know how he’d react, what he’d want.

Maybe he’d be over the moon.

The problem was, that still didn’t mean she wanted children. Not even with Norman bloody Reedus.

*

The rest of her shift went by in a daze. Lea thought briefly about liberating a pregnancy test from the nurses’ medicine cabinet and get the test over and done with right away. Nobody would notice one test gone missing. They were a dime a dozen and not under lock and key like narcotics. But she couldn’t bring herself to go through with it. Every time she turned in the direction of the cabinet, determined to just go ahead and do it she’d freeze, then hurry away and busy herself as far away from it as possible.

She was due to go through some study results with her supervisor in the afternoon, but her heart wasn’t in it. She thought Dr. M. looked at her a little funny a few times, and when he asked her if she fancied going for a drink as they often did after hours spent with files and paperwork Lea declined hurriedly, muttering something about running errands.

There was a Walgreen’s right next to the hospital, but Lea had already decided to get clear of Manhattan, and anyone who might recognize her, before picking up a pregnancy test kit. In the end she bought it from the small mom and pop style pharmacy on her block, belatedly realizing that if the test was positive and she stayed in her apartment for a while as planned there would now always be at least two witnesses to the beginning of this chapter in her life – the little old Chinese pharmacist who always smiled so kindly at her, and his wife.

When Lea finally closed her front door behind herself, her heart was in her throat. She dropped her bag and coat in the usual place by the door and toed off her shoes. Then she stood in the middle of the living room, clutching the discreet brown pharmacy paper bag in her hand, staring at nothing.

She’d never had to do this test on herself before. In all previous relationships she’d been on the pill, and no casual hook-ups had ever resulted in even the suspicion of an accident with a condom. As a doctor, Lea knew exactly how the test worked, of course, and she’d done it plenty of times for her patients.

What she didn’t know was why she’d not suspected something was up sooner. It was probably partly due to her period being erratic when not on the pill. Only now, casting her mind back, did she realize it had been at least six weeks since the last one. Her period never bothered her when it came, so she’d decided to forego the hormones just to keep it nice and predictable. There’d not been any need for contraception in a while, and it hadn’t even occurred to her that meeting Norman would change that so quickly. It wasn’t as if she’d sleep with a man she hardly knew without condoms, anyway.

But clearly, leaving protection up to the guy was never a good idea. Men simply weren’t to be trusted, not even a sweetheart like Norman. You’d think at his age… But the blame game was pointless, it wouldn’t change anything. And she had yet to confirm her suspicion, anyway.

Like in a trance Lea finally moved through the living room and into the bathroom. Later she never remembered the next 15 minutes. She came back to herself sitting on the sofa wearing only knickers and a tee, not even sure where she’d left her pants. She was freezing and shaking, staring straight ahead without moving, holding a small white stick in icy, trembling hands.

The little digital window on it read “pregnant”.

*

Where was Norman?

Lea knew he was in the city, he’d texted her the moment he’d landed that he’d be going straight to a meeting but that he’d see her no later than six that evening at his place, and could she order a huge take-out, he was starving already.

Happy that he’d clearly recovered from the seasickness and the whole experience of his first cruise, and giddy with anticipation of seeing him again Lea had left work bang on time at 4pm to drive past her favorite Thai restaurant and load up the car with boxes and bowls of the most delicious Asian food this side of the Pacific. It didn’t have to be noodles from the dodgy little Chinese placearound the corner from his house every time. Lea was determined to show him how delicious take-outs could be.

And a decent meal would be the perfect basis for the difficult conversation they’d have to have afterwards, too.

Lea had briefly considered not to mention the pregnancy at all, and just to end it quietly and without fuss. It was still early enough to have it done in the least evasive way, and working at the hospital gave Lea access to a discreet solution. She didn’t want this child, she knew that much. It just didn’t fit with any life plans she’d ever had.

But when it had been time to pick up the phone and make an appointment with the OBGYN department she’d found she just couldn’t do it. Not without telling Norman first, anyway. For her, honesty in any relationship was paramount, and she was of the firm opinion that, while this was her body, it was his child as well. He’d not forced her into anything, and he had rights in this matter, too. The ultimate decision would be hers, but she could only make this decision and still look him in the eye if all the cards were on the table. If she got rid of the fetus without his knowledge she knew she’d lose him too. She’d never allow herself to be happy with him after that.

So they had to talk about it. Lea had to tell him how she felt about the pregnancy, and about her plans. And let him have his say. If he managed to change her mind, then so be it. And they would have to have this conversation face to face.

Until he came home, therefore, all of this was academic. 6pm came and went, but no Norman came with it. At 6.30 he texted again, apologizing profusely, telling her his meeting had overrun, he’d had to placate some people, but he’d be home after this one drink.

It didn’t matter much. The dishes Lea had chosen at the Thai restaurant could all either be eaten cold of heated up quickly and without loss of flavor.

Then it was 8pm, then 8.30. At 9 o’clock Lea, frustrated and hungry, had eaten most of the green Papaya salad, which had calmed her right down, it was so delicious. She’d brought research papers with her again and had worked on them happily all evening, Eye in her lap, a succession of cups of tea within easy reach.

She didn’t text him when it was 9.30, either. She knew it’d serve no purpose, only make him feel stressed. And stressed, she knew, he got plenty on his own right now. Lea was determined not to be another source of that in his life.

Of course she was far from happy to be left hanging, especially when she’d psyched herself up to have that all-important talk. But it was comfortable on the sofa, she had plenty of food and drink and was no worse off than alone at her place doing exactly the same things. Lea never minded her own company, so going with the flow here really was no hardship.

At 11pm her eyes started to fall shut. Sighing, still just about shy of irritated, Lea decided to go to bed. He could wake her when he finally found his way home.

*

The sun filtering into the bedroom through the gap in the curtains woke Lea late the next morning. For a minute or so a feeling of disorientation prevailed. Something was…off. She knew this bed, this room. The wood-paneled ceiling. But this wasn’t her bed. She’d been here before, but… Then it all came back to her.

She was in Norman’s bed, alone. And it was morning.

Lea sat bolt upright, fear gripping her. Where was he? Had he never gotten home?

Had something happened?

But turning her head she saw a post-it note on the pillow next to hers that hadn’t been there the night before. She picked it up, heartrate already returning to normal.

_Morning doc. Landing 9am. Will call you then! X_

Relief slowly gave way to irritation. Why hadn’t he woken her when he came in? And when had that been, anyway? His side of the bed looked untouched. Had he not slept at all?

Lea leaned over and picked her phone up from the floor. For some reason there were no clocks in this room, not even an alarm clock. Lea knew Norman used the buzzer app on his phone, but she was old fashioned, and lazy. She liked being able to turn over, crack open half an eye and know instantly what time it was without having to root around for a phone.

Oh well, Christmas present for Norman sorted, shot through her head wryly. She clambered out of bed as she looked at the phone. It was 8.30. At least she didn’t have to work today.

Lea went into the bathroom to pee, then ambled up one level for coffee. On the way she nearly fell over Eye who was lurking in the shadows as usual.

“You are doing your best to kill us, aren’t you?”

Lea bent down and patted his head briefly, then continued up into the living space.

She hadn’t yet managed to convince herself to give up coffee for the time being. Until they decided on the next step she just couldn’t commit to it. For that, of course, they had to both be in the same space, and conscious at the same time, which was a surprisingly difficult feat to accomplish. For now Lea had decided to cut down and take her lattes with just one shot. They weren’t nearly as enjoyable that way.

Coffee in hand Lea went and sat on the sofa. Even though she’d slept well she still felt tired. At least, so far, she wasn’t suffering from morning sickness. She suspected that wouldn’t change. She never even got nauseous, could count the times she’d thrown up in her life on two hands, with fingers left over.

Her iPhone, which she’d put on the sofa next to her while sipping her latte, rang at ten to nine. Lea was using the iPhone more and more, since Norman seemed to have forgotten she’d ever had another number. That sometimes made her mad, and it did so now.

“You never even woke me up?”

“Hey, good morning to you too… believe me, baby girl, I tried… You weren’t having it. Figured you needed the sleep, so I gave up…”

Lea knew he was probably right. Sleeping seemed to be the only thing she was any good at right now. And since she didn’t want to tell him why that was over the phone she quickly changed the subject. They didn’t need a fight now, either.

“Did you sleep at all?”

“Never got a chance, was home hardly an hour. Grabbed my shit and took a cab…”

He sounded exhausted, but something in his voice told Lea that he’d not take kindly to being quizzed about what he’d gotten up to the night before and why he’d only shown up in the wee hours.

“I’m sorry to hear that, darling. You got some time now before you need to go meet up with the crew?”

“Yeah… Shadi is taking care of the bikes, and we’re not meeting Peter until tonight. Again, change of plans…” He sounded weary and frustrated. “Might crash for a couple hours once I get to the hotel.”

“Do that, honey. I don’t wanna lecture you, but you had a rough weekend, and you need to give your body some time to recover. I worry about you, you know… but I mean well.”

“I know, baby girl, and it’s appreciated… ‘m sorry we didn’t get a chance to do, well… anything last night…”

“Me too. Sorry I slept like the dead…”

“’s ok. Are you ok, tho? You’re not working too hard?”

“Course I’m ok,” she said as brightly as she could, and worrying instantly that it sounded forced. So she went on quickly to cover it up. “When are you back? Friday?”

“Yeah. And I’m doing fuck all this weekend. You free?”

“Yes, as it happens.”

“Wanna come over, and we try this being a normal couple thing everyone is raving about? Y’know, go to bed together, sleep in, have breakfast, do the Saturday shopping…”

Her heart rate had picked up at _couple_ , and she had to grin at the mock-bored tone he’d said all of this. To cover up just how happy that one word had made her she fled into humor again, too.

“Is that what people do these days? Sounds deadly boring to me. But you _are_ an old man, so I guess we better take it easy sometimes…”

He gave a snort, and Lea was glad that they were bantering again. This last week or so had been draining, and she worried that their collective exhaustion might take the fun out of things too quickly.

“Watch who you’re calling old there, missy…”

“You’re in Florida, about to go biking with a retired Hollywood star. What was your point again?”

“Clever doc, you’re digging yourself in deep there… Listen, I think I finally found my ride. I’ll text you later? Might be another late night…”

He didn’t sound thrilled, just tired, and Lea frowned with worry. Her guy was putting a lot onto himself lately.

“Promise me you get some sleep first, darling. I’ll get Shadi to come check on you if you don’t swear…”

“Pinky swear, baby girl. No convincing needed, I’m beat…”

“Oh darling, I worry about you…”

“That’s sweet, thanks, doc. Speak tomorrow, ‘kay?”

“Okay. Sweet dreams!”

“Thanks. Miss ya…”

“Me too…”

“Bye.”


	4. Chapter 4

Filming in Florida had been as much fun as Norman had anticipated. Peter had been amazing to work with, their crew had done a stellar job, and they’d eaten the best seafood pasta he’d ever tasted. He’d tell that to anyone who asked, and it would be true. But it was also true that he was now utterly, completely, nauseatingly exhausted.

And he was stuck.

“What d’you mean, cancelled?!”

He was having an increasingly hard time focusing on the slightly frightened-looking AA customer service assistant who had the thankless task of telling more and more passengers about their cancelled and delayed flights at the tiny Key West airport. There was a dull, depressingly familiar throb starting behind his left eye, and his vision was already beginning to blur. And to make matters worse, he realized that he’d raised his voice at this poor woman without meaning to.

Norman had hoped to stave off the impending migraine attack which had been threatening since breakfast by taking his rescue meds and some Dramamine on the plane, then zonk out on the 3-hour flight to JFK. They’d heard vague reports about the impending snow chaos on the East Coast the day before, but they’d been so intent on getting their work wrapped up on schedule and before the local weather turned bad that they’d paid scant attention to anything else. And now Norman was paying for that.

He’d been in the airport for three hours already, with no hotel room, a steadily worsening headache and a progressively larger gaggle of people who kept throwing him covert glances and taking stealth photos.

“I’m very sorry, sir, but all flights to JFK have been cancelled until further notice.”

“Great, just great… Listen, I gotta get back to New York. Is there anything at all flying that’ll get me there tonight? First class, business class, coach, I don’t care…”

Permelia, as he could just about still read on her name tag, started tapping her keyboard, staring at the computer screen intently, brow knitted in concentration. Norman was struck by how thoroughly and calmly she went about her task. He mused vaguely that she reminded him of someone, but he couldn’t drag his mind far enough from the persistent throbbing in his temple to think of who… Then her face lit up.

“I have a first class ticket to LaGuardia via Miami, but the plane leaves here in 15 minutes. I’ll call them to make sure they’re still ok to wait, if you want the seat?”

“God, yes, I do want it…”

“Have you got any luggage checked in, sir?”

“No, just carry on.”

“Brilliant, that makes it easier,” Permelia smiled at him warmly and Norman felt a little better, a little safer, now that she was moving things along.

Permelia picked up the phone and conversed briefly with someone while motioning for Norman’s credit card, which he was holding in his hand already. Then she put the phone down, tapped for another minute, and handed him his card and a printed ticket with another sweet smile.

“There you go. Gate D60, don’t delay…”

“Thank you so much!”

Norman tucked card and ticket into his back pocket, wincing at the furious wave of pain and nausea as he leaned down to pick up the backpack which was sitting by his feet.

“No problem… Are you feeling all right, sir?”

He looked up and saw genuine concern in the customer assistant’s eyes. Now he knew who she reminded him of. She’d been just as calm and collected in her task as Lea always was with him, and the thought of his doc made his heart ache with longing.

“’s just a headache,” he mumbled. “Listen, can I take your picture? You’ve been so nice…”

She looked a little taken aback, but then nodded. “Sure. But then you better hurry, if you want to catch that flight.”

He quickly brought the camera up on his phone and snapped the picture, then did as he’d been told and hurried through the airport. Head more sore by the minute as his heartrate increased with the rush Norman knew that he’d never make it home before this headache upgraded from inconvenient to unbearable.

But at least he was going home tonight, and his doc would be there to take care of him.

*

“Norman? Where are you? I’ve been trying to reach you… Just stay put, no flights are getting to New York today…”

“’m in Miami… Yeah, my flight got cancelled… Shit…”

He leaned his head against the cubicle door as a fresh wave of nausea descended and the agony in his head doubled. His left temple gave an angry throb and he pressed his hand against it with a groan.

So far he’d managed not to be sick, but he already knew it was inevitable now, and only minutes away, hence his current location. Thankfully he still had three quarters of an hour before his connecting flight to LaGuardia. The announcement he’d heard just before he’d rushed straight from the plane into the nearest bathroom had confirmed that they’d be able to land just ahead of the storm, as long as there were no delays.

“You ok, honey?”

Norman swallowed several times before daring to open his mouth again.

“Migraine’s coming…”

“Oh no…take a room now and wait this out. You got your pills, and you can call room service for anything you need… or go to the hospital…”

“No! ‘m coming home… Three hours to LaGuardia…can do that… Got first class seat, so if I puke… oh, god…”

He’d tempted fate with that one word, and fate bit back instantly. The cubicle seemed to give a great lurch, and with it his stomach. Feeling eerily, sickeningly reminded of the misery on the cruise ship Norman wheeled around, dropping to his knees, just as the sick forced its way up and out.

It went literally everywhere, including the front of his shirt and pants. Heaving again Norman vaguely wondered when he’d last made such a mess when sick. Unbidden images of a hotel room covered in sick during a convention in New Orleans a few years ago rose before his eyes, tripling the nausea again, and he painfully vomited for a third time.

“Shit…” he whispered, sitting back on his haunches, gasping for air. Then he remembered he’d not even told Lea why he’d called.

“Can you…” Norman gulped, biting back another heave. “Can y’come to my place? Please…”

“Honey, even if your plane can land at LaGuardia, you won’t find a taxi to take you into Manhattan. Things are chaotic already… My place is much closer, you have a better chance finding a driver willing to take you…”

“Good…good point…”

“I’ll text you the address again, just in case… Only, what about Eye?”

“The little old lady on the…on the ground floor…she’s got a key… Will call her, she can feed him…”

“Oh good. I’ll set off home now. Came on the subway today, but we’re closed for emergencies since the access is impossible in the snow. Darling, be careful. Call me if you can once you touch down. Try and take some pills, too… I’ll bring more meds home with me, so even if they come back up again, try, ok? You won’t be without meds once you’re home.”

“Will…will do… oh, babe, I wish you were here…dunno if…if I can do this…”

“You can, darling. You’ll be home soon…”

Norman dropped the hand holding the phone, wrapping both arms around his burning stomach.

He couldn’t do it. He couldn’t get on that plane. Hell, he couldn’t even get off the damn bathroom floor. With a whimper he sank against the cubicle wall, tears running down his face.

Why did these things keep happening to him?

*

“This Lea?”

“It is. Who’s asking?”

“Name’s Joe. I drive an Uber… got this guy in me car, says you’re his missus? Picked him up from LaGuardia just now…”

“Is he all right?”

“To be honest, luv, I’m not sure. Does he, no disrespect… does he always drink that much?”

“He’s not drunk, he’s sick. Can you still get through? The roads are bad…”

“Your guy gave me 500 quid, I’ll do me bloody best for that… might take a while, though…”

“How long?”

“’m no prophet, but I’d say an hour at least?”

“Be careful, you hear me? Last thing Nor… I mean, he doesn’t need to be in a crash now…”

“Keep yer hair on, lassie… I grew up in Yorkshire, we got snow there like ya wouldn’t believe…”

“Yeah, well, this is New York, not the Yorkshire Dales. Just get him home in one piece.”

“Aye, ma’am.”

*

Joe had called again when they were about ten minutes away by his best reckoning. The drive that should have taken twenty minutes in decent weather had indeed taken nearly an hour. Lea could only guess what state Norman would be in, and she was growing more anxious by the minute.

Bundled up in too many layers to count Lea was waiting on the curb nervously. The street was deserted, there were no cars or pedestrians in sight. Snow was falling thick and fast and already piling up, and visibility was nearly zero even with the street lights on.

There, finally. A dark SUV came slowly around the corner one block away, crawling steadily closer. Lea saw that the driver was keeping to the middle of the road, avoiding the piles of snow and parked cars on both sides. At least fate had been kind and Norman had found a driver who seemed to know what he was doing.

When the car came to a stop right in front of her Lea waded out into the road through the drifts of snow to help Norman out of the car. She was already dreading having to navigate the treacherous, icy street with him when she could hardly see where she was stepping herself.

The passenger window descended automatically and Lea peered inside. The middle-aged balding driver pointed into the back seat.

“Don’t think he can get out on his own. Want a hand?”

“No, thanks, we’ll manage.” Lea was already opening the back door. She could make out a dark shape curled up on itself and quickly pulled the door all the way.

“Norman, honey, you’re home.”

He lifted his head and Lea’s heart gave a lurch as she took in his pale-grey, pinched face, the red-rimmed eyes framed by black shadows. His hair was sweaty and sticking to his forehead, and she could see that he’d gotten sick onto the front of his jacket. Norman was clutching a paper bag, which Lea now took from him, dropping into the snow. It wasn’t empty, either.

“Oh Lea…”

His voice was raw and sore, worse than she’d ever heard it. He sounded close to tears.

“I’m here, darling. C’mon, time to get out.”

“Can’t…can’t move…”

“Yes, darling, you can. I’ll help you…”

She grabbed his backpack from the floor by his feet and slung it over her own back. Norman reached for her hand, but missed, so Lea took him firmly by the upper arm and elbow, and held him steady as he clambered awkwardly out of the car.

“He going to be ok?”

“Course he will. Thanks for getting him here in one piece.”

“No problem.”

Lea slammed the door shut and the SUV drove away slowly. She focused fully on Norman. He seemed hardly able to stand on his own two feet and clung to her with icy fingers.

“Lean on me as much as you have to, but we gotta move, honey…”

He was shaking against her, and fading fast. He hadn’t even tried to take a step yet, but now gave a groan, trying to lean away and staggering. Lea grabbed him around the chest as he doubled up, retching. Not much was coming up, splattering darkly into the snow. Lea was surprised that anything at all was left inside his stomach. She considered the distance they’d have to cover and wasn’t at all sure they’d be able to. Maybe she should’ve accepted Joe’s offer of help.

Finally Norman stopped gagging, straightened up a little and began putting one foot shakily before the other. Lea kept her grip on him as much as she could and very slowly they picked their way through the snow and the gathering darkness.

Despite the cold Lea was drenched in sweat by the time they made it into the ground floor hallway. She pushed the street door shut with her foot, then shrugged off Norman’s backpack. After navigating the outside, stone steps with it she knew she’d never get Norman up to her apartment if she didn’t get rid of the backpack first.

Norman’s breaths came in tiny, painful sounding gasps now, and Lea knew he was close to fainting. He was gripping the bannister, fingers white against the dark wood from holding on so hard. She slipped his other arm around her shoulder, then put her own arms firmly around him again. He was listing badly, and she was struggling not to crumple to the ground under his weight.

“Almost there, darling…”

He whimpered quietly and she could see his throat working rapidly as he swallowed against another wave of sickness. Lea knew there wouldn’t be much to bring up now, but she really could do without having to clean the hallway as well.

They made it up the stairs, but barely. At one point Norman stopped, and Lea thought he was going to pass out for sure, he looked completely bloodless all of a sudden.

“Stay with me, honey.”

She quickly rubbed his chest hard with her knuckles through the jacket, which was much more effective in rousing someone when there weren’t several layers of clothing in the way, but it did the trick. His eyes opened a little wider and he looked around at her. Lea wasn’t sure he recognized her just then.

“Gotta…sit…”

“No, darling, not here!”

Lea felt panic bubble up. She knew she’d never get him up again if he went down now.

“We’re almost there, two more minutes, c’mon…”

It was considerably longer than that but finally they were at Lea’s front door, which she’d left open in anticipation of needing as little obstruction as possible on the way back.

Norman grabbed the doorframe hard, swaying and breathing raggedly. He withdrew his arm from around her shoulder and pressed his hand to his stomach, groaning.

“You gonna throw up?”

“Yeah…”

“Hold on to me…”

Even though it broke Lea’s heart to see Norman hunched over on her bathroom floor, retching painfully into the toilet, she breathed a sigh of relief once they got there.

It took a long time to convince Norman in his pain-addled state that, since nothing more was coming up, it would be ok for him to get away from the toilet and into bed. Lea crouched by his side, stroking his sweaty hair while she attempted to get his jacket off him.

“You’re just gonna feel worse, staying on the floor, darling.”

She’d gone around all the rooms and turned off most of the lights, and finally, after a lot of coaxing, got Norman off the floor and into her bedroom, bringing a plastic basin from the kitchen as bargaining chip, which she placed on the floor in easy reach for them both.

“Don’t wanna…mess up…y’place…,” he gasped, leaning into her as they rested on the edge of the bed.

“Oh, honey, you won’t…”

Next Lea had to get him out of the rest of his clothes. When she’d gotten him out of his jacket she’d realized that he’d sweated through all layers and was starting to shiver as the perspiration cooled him down rapidly.

“You got anything clean in your bag, darling?”

“M…maybe some underpants…”

Lea frowned. Norman was positively dripping with sweat. She’d have to strip him completely and get him dry as quickly as she could.

“Lie down here a moment, honey. I’ll get your things…”

She helped him rest on the pillows and quickly retrieved his backpack from the hall, rummaging through it as she hurried back upstairs. Finally she located a rolled up, clean pair of boxer shorts at the very bottom, then got a bowl of warm water, wash cloths and towels.

Norman was shivering hard when she returned to her bedroom. She moved quickly now, got him out of his soiled, sweaty clothes and washed his face, neck and chest, then dried him off thoroughly and repeated the same on his back. Then she grabbed an old t-shirt of her own from a drawer, which she’d worn when she had been much bigger. Lea had kept it because even thought it had a Coca Cola logo on the front it was good quality, and she sometimes wore it to bed. It was a little tight in the shoulders for him, but it would do.

“All done,” she said when she’d helped him stand briefly to swap his boxer shorts for the clean pair. Norman sank into the pillows with a sob and curled up as she drew the covers over him. Lea knew there was still too much light in the room for him, but her blinds were not very good and the snow outside made the glare worse.

“I’m sorry I can’t shut out more light, darling…”

“’s ok. So much better’n I was…”

“And you’ll feel better still in a moment. I brought IV migraine meds from the hospital.”

He glanced at her through the tears with such gratitude it threatened to break her heart.

“You’ll get…in trouble…”

Norman’s teeth were chattering now and she rubbed his back and shoulders to warm him up quickly.

“No I won’t. You’re still on the books as my patient. You’ll get a bill for this, this time a real one. It’s still not a hundred percent legit, but I told you my supervisor is awesome.”

He was still looking up at her with pain-darkened eyes. “Y’re the best, doc…”

“No problem,” she said, getting up. “I knew you’d never keep the pills down en route, I could tell how bad it was when you called. Relax now, I’ll get the meds. Keep your eyes closed, nothing to see anyway…”

“Hmmm…”

Lea quickly got her things together. She wasn’t too keen on treating people away from the hospital, no matter what she’d said to Norman, and it was becoming too much of a habit with him. But what would the other options have been? He’d been through so much recently, and Lea felt so sorry for him, she’d’ve moved heaven and earth to help him, she knew. Still, she worried that the dehydration would make placing the IV extremely difficult. At work at least she would’ve had experienced colleagues as back-up. She loathed the thought that she’d cause him more pain.

When she returned to his side she lined up all the meds on the bed and sat down again. He opened his eyes as she gently pushed some sweaty strands of hair off his forehead. Lea could see the pain and nausea he was still battling reflected in his eyes. He reached up and took her right hand, pressing it against his left eye with a sob.

“Oh, darling… you’ve had a bit of a week, huh?”

He gave a half-laugh, half-sob, then groaned quietly.

“Ya…”

“Well, you can relax now. Nobody is going anywhere this weekend, so you’ll just sleep, all right?”

“Sounds like heaven…and I came home to you…worth all the pain, and puking in that gross airplane bathroom…hope there’s no pics…”

Frowning, Lea stroked his face for a few moments, and his eyes fluttered shut again. Having to worry about there being picture evidence of one of the lowest moments of your life was not her idea of a fun life. Lea was devoutly grateful that she’d never felt the need to be famous.

“Let’s make you feel better. Turn over on your back and give me your right arm.”

It wasn’t bad at all in the end. She got the needle into the vein on the first try. He seemed to know that he’d been spared more pain and looked at her gratefully.

“Anti-emetics first,” Lea explained as she prepped the syringe, and Norman gave a little humming noise of appreciation.

“This is the migraine stuff,” she said next, showing him a small pouch. “I’ll plug that in and you can go to sleep while it runs. We’ll do another one tomorrow, and over night I’ll hang some saline to rehydrate you. Sounds all right?”

“Sounds awesome…”

Norman took her hand holding the little pouch and quickly gave the back of it a little kiss. His eyes looked ready to fall shut.

“Love you, doc…”

There were butterflies suddenly dancing in Lea’s stomach. They’d not said this to each other before, and she was pretty sure it was just the relief at the pain and nausea finally abating that had made him say it now. She reached out and stroked his face again. Oh well, why not?

“Love you too, darling.”

And it was the truth, as well.

Norman was fast asleep by the time she finished hanging the migraine meds. Lea quietly tidied away her equipment, then picked up Norman’s clothes and carried them through to the living room. Here she piled up all the dirty things and put everything else back into the backpack, suppressing the urge to look too closely at anything. She’d have to wash what needed washing since they’d be stuck here for a few days, but she had no right to be nosy about anything else while he was out cold in the other room.

As she picked up a book on motorbikes from where she’d dropped it when she’d been looking for clean underwear a few condoms fell out of it. Lea picked these up quickly too, but then her hand wandered onto her own belly. Why had he brought condoms on his trip? She frowned, then shook her head at herself. The condoms had probably been in there for ages. He was a guy, after all, and famous, and she should commend him for being responsible and prepared.

Of course, she’d thought they’d been responsible, too, but things just didn’t always work out as planned.


	5. Chapter 5

She’d been wanting to tell him. But the night before they’d just fallen into bed, exhausted. He’d been in Atlanta all day, in meetings, at lunch, talking, planning, convincing the suits all was going well. And she’d had a long day’s travel behind her, and was glad to just go to sleep cuddled up against him. This really could wait another day.

Lea didn’t understand how Norman did it, all this traveling, all the time. The flight from JFK to Atlanta was really very short, and Norman had insisted she fly business class, at his expense. It had been the most comfortable she’d ever been on a plane, yet Lea had still felt hollowed out and dazed by the end of the day. It might have something to do with her present condition, but she’d been more than happy when he’d suggested they stay in for the night and snuggle up in front of the fireplace where a proper log fire was crackling, listening to old songs he played her while she dozed in his arms.

Norman still wasn’t fully recovered from the migraine attack the weekend before, Lea could see it every time she looked at him. He’d barely given himself 72 hours at her place before swinging into action again. She knew that had the blizzard not brought the entire city to a standstill he wouldn’t even have stayed still that long.

He was mostly pain-free, but three days spent in meetings had done nothing for the tired, pale and sickly look he didn’t seem able to shake. Lea very much hoped they’d be able to relax together this weekend. Whatever he’d planned, she was down with it, as long as it got him to concentrate on something that wasn’t work and didn’t interfere with his regular meals and eight hours per night of healthy sleep.

Being out on the bikes together had been fun, even if Lea now knew it’d take some getting used to. She was sore all over, and a bit nervous about what sitting on the saddle behind Norman would do to her body. This in itself was crazy since she was still determined that she wasn’t going to carry this baby to term. But she couldn’t help the worries. Lea guessed it was instinct.

Meeting Andy had been the perfect ending to their first proper shared Georgia day. They’d ordered pizza which they’d eaten by the fireside, drinking wine and beer and chatting until late into the night. Norman had really wanted Andy to spend the night, there was space enough after all. But Andy had regretfully declined, since he’d had an early flight back to London to catch.

Lea liked Andy a lot. He seemed a very sensible guy, and the close bond and trust between him and Norman was very evident, and made her glad.

While they’d been eating the pizza Mingus had called. His weekend plans had fallen through, could he come and hang with them this Saturday and Sunday? The delight on Norman’s face when he’d told them that of course he’d said yes to that had made Lea very happy, too. So what if she’d have to share Norman with his son? It would do her guy a world of good, and she was curious to meet the boy anyway.

Now it was almost 2am and they’d finally found their way to bed. For a change Lea wasn’t tired. Her body had seemingly decided to want to sleep on an entirely new schedule. But she didn’t mind very much. She was lying on her side, head propped up, watching Norman sleep. She hadn’t had the chance very often yet, to watch him sleep when he was well.

While he’d been at her place the previous weekend she’d hardly left his side. His sleep had been restless and broken then; despite the anti-nausea meds he’d still woken up several times sick and miserable, retching up the small amounts of liquid Lea had given him when he’d whimpered with thirst. She’d wiped his burning forehead with cool cloths, calming him down when he’d tossed and turned with fever and pain. He’d held on to her hard when the nausea got bad, and she’d sat him up to lean into her in the hopes of taking some of the pressure off his aching head. It had been a miserable time, that first night of the blizzard. The meds had only really kicked in after the second dose on the Saturday, and then they’d both slept, exhausted.

Now it was all different. Norman was a very quiet sleeper when well, she’d discovered. He looked peaceful now, and calm. The day had been the right kind of tiring, clearly, and he’d been out like a light quickly. But she could still see the pallor and the new lines on his face in the glow of a small night light he kept on in the bedroom here. The area around his eyes was puffy, and every so often there was a small crease just visible on his forehead, as if he was remembering the recent pain in his dreams.

Hopefully this was the start of a calmer time for them both, but even as she thought it Lea had her doubts. She only had a vague notion of Norman’s diary for the next few months. She knew he was off to LA to promote his new movie soon, then to London for yet another convention. If she could have her way she’d tell him to take it a little easier for a while. The constant travel, the planning nightmares with the show and the public exposure with everything he did were making his migraines more frequent, Lea was sure of it. And he had yet to really get stuck into the sessions with the psychiatrist, too.

But she had decided she would keep well out of it. It wasn’t her place to tell her guy what to do. They’d barely become anything at all yet, and what he needed was support, not nagging. She’d give him very targeted advice, that had worked well so far and it was appreciated. And if he was unwell she’d look after him. That was her day job, after all. She wasn’t the type of woman to be constantly on her partner’s case about his lifestyle choices and his work commitment. She wasn’t his mother.

 _No_ , a tiny voice in her head piped up, _but you might just become the mother of his child_.

That thought made Lea turn her back on Norman, feeling suddenly uncomfortable. She really had to tell him. The longer she left it the harder the decision to terminate would be.

Maybe that was it. Maybe she wanted circumstances to make her mind up for her to keep the child.

But she didn’t want to be a mother, she was certain of it. Why, then, hadn’t she told him yet? Surely she wasn’t really worried that he’d be upset? No, Lea was sure he wouldn’t be. He’d never blame her, or suspect she’d done this on purpose.

What if he did convince her to keep it though? If they had a child together, then the world would find out about them, and her. And as clearly as she knew she wasn’t made to be a mother Lea knew this: She was in no way ready for the backlash of dating a celebrity.

*

“Morning, baby girl. How you sleep?”

Lea had barely cracked one eye open and felt drowsy and dopey-brained with sleep. She wasn’t really a morning person anyway, but right now she just didn’t do mornings at all. She was about to growl at Norman to leave her alone, but when she saw his smiling, excited face she couldn’t help but give a little smile back.

From her limited experience Norman wasn’t much of a morning person either, but he could make a passable go at it, once he’d been up to pee and get rid of the smoker’s cough that assailed him as soon as he was upright. The last couple of days he’d gotten up and taken himself straight off to the kitchen to put the coffee on and, Lea suspected, to not wake her while he coughed up what sounded like a life’s accumulation of tar and phlegm for a good five minutes. She could tell that he’d already done the same today because she could smell the coffee he’d brought back for them both.

But there had to be something else to make him grin this broadly, this early.

“You’re chipper this morning, honey,” she noted half fondly, half exasperated, yawning behind her hand.

“Yeah… I slept so well. Totally dope feeling, not to be tired…”

“Good for you…”

Lea stretched and sat up against the headboard next to him, then leaned into his shoulder, giving him a sideways look from under her lashes. “Are we just going to sit here, grinning at each other?”

In response Norman placed a flat, rectangular box on the cover between Lea’s hands. She looked down at it, then back up into his face. His expression was still mostly that of excitement, mixed in with a tiny bit of anxiety. She suppressed the frown she could feel threaten and instead smiled as warmly as she could manage. He clearly enjoyed giving her presents, so she would try her best not to get upset.

“What’s this?”

“Umm…a present?”

“Yes, that I gathered. What I mean is, what is it for? It’s not my birthday…”

“But that was recently, no?”

“Um…maybe?”

Lea had forgotten to mention it on purpose, not wanting it to be a thing so early on.

“I found out from that nice nurse. Kathy? I called the ER to ask when it was, I didn’t want to miss it. Looks like I was a day too late. Why didn’t you tell me, baby girl?”

“Cos it’s not important…?”

He actually looked outraged and she had to laugh at that. “But birthdays are important…”

Maybe it was creepy that he’d actually phoned up her workplace to find out when her birthday was, but it really seemed important to him, so she’d happily accept that he was just a little odd like that.

“That’s sweet and a bit weird, but I’ll let it go. Creep…” Lea winked and stuck her tongue out at him so he’d understand that she was joking. He grinned at that.

“It’s also to say thank you…”

“Norman, there’s no need, really…”

“Oh, be quiet and open it already? Make your dude happy?”

Lea sighed, but she couldn’t argue with that. She picked up the parcel and pulled the satin band off the box, then lifted the lid.

The necklace inside was beautiful, Lea saw that straight away. It was the word _Love_ in delicate, golden letters, studded with tiny stones. Such an unusual, delicate thing – and it looked expensive.

“Oh, Norman, this is beautiful, but it’s too much…”

“You like it? Really? You’re not just saying it…”

“I do like it, yes!”

It was the truth, the more she looked at it the more Lea liked it. Of course it helped that the necklace actually read _Love_. So it hadn’t been just the pain talking, back in her apartment when he’d told her he loved her. She wouldn’t have needed such an expensive proof, but seeing him happy at her liking her present was probably worth the expense.

Of course she knew what was expected of her next. Lea picked the necklace up and fastened it around her neck. The tiny letters were cold against her skin for a second. Then she looked at Norman from under her lashes, feeling a little embarrassed.

“I wanna say thank you properly, but… I don’t wanna kiss you before we brush our teeth…”

Norman snorted, then grabbed her and just like that flipped her onto her back. Even though Lea had felt his arms around her many times she hadn’t really realized just how strong he was. Then he pinned her hands over her head and leaned over her, breathing rather fast.

“Baby girl, you’re mine now. Get used to a bit of morning breath…”

With that he leaned down and kissed her long and deep, and Lea could feel him getting hard against her side. It looked like they were going to stay in bed just a little bit longer, and for once neither of them was sick or asleep.

*

He’d wanted to make her feel good, make her sigh and writhe under his hands. He loved that, he loved making his people happy. And right now, his baby girl was at the top of that list of people.

But she wasn’t having it. When he’d tried to put his hand inside her panties she’d pulled back, shaking her head. She was still smiling so he wasn’t worried, even when she didn’t offer up an explanation.

“Just you this time. I do know how to find stuff out too, y’know? And I know someone else hasn’t been very upfront about their birthday…”

She pushed herself to sitting, and him down onto the bed, and he went gladly. He trusted his doc, she was always so careful and gentle. She could do with him what she liked.

First she’d straddled him, a knee either side of his hip, and had locked eyes with him as she’d pressed into him, making tiny movements with her hips. Even through two layers of fabric, feeling her against his erection almost made him come then and there.

She seemed to pick up on that when he groaned and closed his eyes. Then she moved slowly down, letting her hands glide along his side, finally pushing up under his tee, soft fingertips dancing along his ribs and playing with the fuzz on his belly.

Then those heavenly, gentle, expert fingers moved down again, cupping and stroking him through his boxer shorts.

What was the matter with him? He’d had his fair share of lovers, a pair of hands on his dick should not make him so close to losing it. But it was the truth, he nearly came when she gently started squeezing his balls and rubbing his shaft in rhythmic motions.

He almost missed it when she finally freed him from the boxer shorts, and only skin on skin brought him back to himself from where he was near blissed out. As he looked down the length of his body he saw her crouching next to him, hip height and their eyes met. Hers sparkling sapphire blue, she smiled up at him.

“Just lie back and relax.”

He did as she asked, and just forgot everything around him for the next ten minutes.

How did girls know how to do this, he’d always wondered. They didn’t know what it felt like, having a dick. And the truth was, not many girls were all that good at it. He guessed vaguely that if you enjoyed the act, and having that power over your guy, you just got good at it.

And she was damn good. She knew just how hard to suck, where to lick, and where to nip with tiny, sharp bites. When she did that for the first time he gave a shudder, and she stopped, observing him. He cracked an eye open and looked down, then gave a tiny nod. With a small, triumphant grin she returned to the task.

Her fingers, those perfect, certain hands which made him feel so safe, also kept doing their thing. Not for a second did she neglect his balls, tugging gently until he trembled. And she managed to draw it out, without ever being a cock tease. When he was starting to shake in earnest, no longer able to suppress little moans of pleasure, the index finger of her free hand - he’d lost the sense of right and left, up and down a while ago, all he knew was that it felt so, so good – wandered between his buttocks and slowly entered him.

His head actually arched up as she pushed in further, the sensation was so intense. He knew it would be only a minute now before he came.

He loved her, he really did. He didn’t want her to do anything for him she didn’t feel entirely comfortable with. So he forced his eyes open and gently stopped her with a hand in her short hair. He loved the feel of the short, soft strands in his fingers and almost lost his train of thought as she glanced up, looking worried.

“Don’t…don’t swallow…”

For a moment he thought she might argue, but something on his face must have convinced her that he’d meant that, so she gave a small nod.

“But I’ll make you come, and it’ll be great, so lie back…”

He had no issue with that. If anything, it was even better now. He could relax. It was still not entirely effortless, just letting her make him feel good. It was true what his friends said, he had trouble accepting other people being nice to him.

But he let her. Because this was something special, something new. This clever, independent, generous and beautiful woman wanted to be with him, him as he was, not as people wanted him to be. And maybe, just maybe, he was ready to let himself be loved again.

*

They were lingering over breakfast – Danish, cereal, eggs, fruit and freshly squeezed orange juice – enjoying each other’s company, not really talking but grinning at each other every couple of minutes. Neither felt the need to read the paper, or turn on radio or TV for the news, or look at their phones. For now, just each other’s company was entertainment enough.

Lea knew they would’ve happily stayed in bed longer, snuggled up, drinking their cold coffee and dozing, but hunger had finally won over comfort and they’d reluctantly come out from under the sheets. Anyway, Mingus was due to arrive at lunchtime.

“Are we fetching him from the airport?”

“I said I’ll meet him with the bike. He used to come down all the time, the bike’s the only thing he’s really missed I think…”

Norman sounded sad on the last bit and wouldn’t meet her eye when she looked over. On an impulse she reached out and took his hand where it lay on his thigh and stroked his fingers briefly. Then he finally looked at her, and his wistful little smile was one of gratitude.

Not for the first time Lea wondered what Norman’s fame was doing to the relationship with his son. Now she’d soon find out.

After breakfast Norman took his bike to Atlanta while Lea tidied the few things that needed tidying from breakfast and then lazed around the house. She’d never been very good at being idle, but the house being so new and completely without clutter there was nothing for her to do. A cleaner kept the place spotless, just like Norman’s New York home. Lea understood the necessity of staff, after observing Norman for the weeks they’d been together now. A single man with Norman’s mad schedule shouldn’t have to stress over keeping his house nice. And she knew he still did most of his own washing, and his own errands even though there were people willing to help.

She briefly contemplated a nap, but she held off. If she kept falling asleep in the middle of the day Norman was bound to get suspicious. She decided she’d have another go at telling him about the baby that night. Hopefully it wouldn’t be a late one again, and hopefully a day with Mingus meant that Norman would be in a good mood and relaxed.

But for now she shelved the thoughts and got her research papers out again. They would help her take her mind off everything for a while.

Lea had been reading quite contently for an hour when she heard noises outside the door. That must be Norman and Mingus. Getting up, she put on her nicest smile. She was determined to like Norman’s son, for her guy’s sake but hopefully for Mingus’ own qualities, too.

*

They made, then ate lunch together. Apparently that was a father and son ritual they indulged in whenever they could. Lea was pleased to discover that both Norman and his son were reasonably well versed in the kitchen, and the pasta with vegetables was delicious.

Right from the start Lea could tell that Mingus was a sweet kid. Self-contained like his dad, with a dreamy, otherworldly quality about him that she found appealing. And he was so pretty. Lea really could think of no other word to describe him.

He was quiet around her, and reserved, but that was only to be expected. How many women had the boy seen come and go in his dad’s life, she wondered. And then she realized, right now she definitely didn’t want an answer to that question.

Norman seemed delighted to have his son with them and all through lunch kept making plans for the weekend and the upcoming months, asking typical parent questions about school and friends. But at the same time he seemed a little nervous around his son, unsure about what to say. And while Mingus answered questions properly and was unfailingly polite to them both his behavior was oddly formal. Lea’s inkling that the father-son relationship had recently suffered due to Norman’s sudden increase in popularity was reinforced.

It emerged quickly that the one thing they truly bonded over were indeed the motorbikes, so after lunch Lea urged them to go back out there and ride as long as they wanted. This meant she would have to stay behind, since neither she nor Mingus were as yet able or allowed to ride on their own, but Lea really didn’t mind. She desperately needed that nap she’d been trying to avoid all morning. Norman gave her a long, searching look, but she just smiled at him sweetly and confirmed that everything was perfect when he asked.

So off they went, father and son, wearing proper biker gear and carrying helmets, a backpack with provisions and planning routes excitedly as they got ready. Lea’s heart leapt with happiness as she watched Norman’s genuine, unadulterated joy. He kissed her goodbye tenderly, then hugged her close. She returned the embrace, stroking his back and neck for a moment, and he sighed against her ear with contentment.

“Be safe, darling.”

“Always, doc.”

This was exactly what she’d been hoping for, Norman enjoying his day and relaxing. Hopefully he’d not worry about work once that afternoon. And then, in the evening, they could talk.

Lea went to sleep in their bedroom, feeling more at peace than she had in weeks – and awoke into a thunderstorm.

At first she couldn’t make out any words, just yelling from the living room. She rubbed her eyes as she slid off the bed and went over to the door. Trying to be very quiet she cracked it open, listening.

“You are _not_ going into Atlanta on your own! You’re 15 years old…”

“Sixteen! Figures, you know half your fans’ age and date of birth but can’t remember your own son’s! And don’t tell me what to do. Paul and mom gave me money, and I can call a cab whenever I want…”

“Not while you’re staying here with us, you can’t. You know the rules, buddy. I don’t want to be in no gossip rags cuz my underage son gets plastered in public and smashes up some joint…”

“If you could just stop talking about that fucking fame game for a minute and actually spend time with me I wouldn’t have to go drinking in some boring ass Atlanta bar…”

“Watch that language, dude…”

“You’re one to talk…”

“And we _are_ spending time together. We’ve just been on that bike for four fucking hours!”

“Yeah, for the first time in what, almost a year? I wouldn’t even be here if I hadn’t invited myself…”

“Cuz you turned me down like a hundred times…”

“Yeah, well, I hate hanging with your self-important buddies. You should know that by now… It’s never just you and me like it used to, and if it’s not your actor asshole friends it’s some empty-headed chick you’re banging…”

“You’re way out of line, Mingus! Lea isn’t empty-headed, she’s cleverer than both of us together…”

“At least she’s more than half your age. Makes for a nice change, not fancying the same girl as my father…”

“This is ridiculous…”

“No, dad, it’s the truth!” There was a pause, then Mingus went on more quietly. “So we going out again or what?”

Lea was amazed to hear that question, but was also impressed. Maybe it wasn’t a bad move, get it all out of the way then bond anew. But Norman didn’t respond for a very long moment, and when he did his voice was so quiet Lea could hardly hear him.

“’m getting a headache…”

She could hear Mingus give a derisive snort.

“Of course. Always some excuse, and that one’s your favorite, isn’t it?”

Lea heard footsteps next, and quickly shrank back out of sight but so that she could still see the landing. Mingus came up the stairs, then walked past the bedroom, not even looking very angry now, more sad and disappointed. Then the door to his room closed with a thump.

For a minute Lea hesitated. She wanted to go and comfort Norman, make sure he was ok. Mingus had said some terrible things, and Lea was sure they’d cut his dad to the core. But would Norman tolerate her right now?

Then she realized she hardly had a choice. If his head really was hurting they had to act fast if they wanted to avoid a repeat of the previous weekend. She quickly got the Lioresal rescue meds from Norman’s bag which was sitting in a corner, then fetched a glass of water from the bathroom.

When she got downstairs into the living room the lights were all off, and she could only just make out his silhouette in a chair, facing the empty fireplace. He had his back to her and the rest of the house. Lea walked up to him silently and crouched down by the side of his chair. At first he wouldn’t look at her, just kept staring straight ahead. Lea instinctively knew not to touch him, but she knew she had to reach him somehow.

“Honey, what happened?”

For a long moment she was sure he wouldn’t answer, or just tell her to go away. But then he lowered his eyes and Lea could see tears glisten in his lashes.

“He hates me.”

Lea was aghast. Yes, they’d just had a fight, but nothing she’d heard had given her the impression that this was anything other than a teenager being frustrated with the boundaries his dad had set down. She couldn’t just leave that one alone.

“I know very little about you guys, but I’m absolutely certain that’s nonsense…”

“He thinks I fucked up my life. That I’m fucking up his life, too…”

She didn’t know what to say to that. There was a lot of history here, she could tell, a lot of resentment and pain that had most likely been brewing for a long time. This wouldn’t be resolved by her talking sense into Norman now, but she knew she’d have to address it eventually. Her guy was suffering.

“Darling, I don’t know what to say to that…”

He took a deep breath, probably intending to tell her that she was right about that and that she should stay out of it. But Lea wasn’t done yet. She put her hand on his arm now, very gently, hoping she’d not misjudged completely.

“I don’t know you well enough, and your son hardly at all, so I will stay away from that – for now. But here’s the thing: Making yourself sick over this isn’t the answer. It’ll just make it worse. You’ve barely recovered from last migraine, and you keep working yourself too hard already. You’ve got a lot of balls in the air right now, and if you just sit here now and let that headache take its course you’ll be hanging over the toilet again within the hour. The more attacks you have the longer it’ll take you to recover every time. Correct me if I’m wrong, but I don’t think you can afford to fall out right now.”

That she also thought making himself sick because his teenage son was being a bully Lea kept to herself. But she could tell that she’d hit a nerve, Norman was sitting entirely still. He knew he’d be letting a lot of people down if he got seriously sick now, and that was the last thing he’d want to do, she knew that.

Finally he raised his head and looked at her. His eyes were filled with tears, slightly puffy again already, and she could see the pain lurking just off-stage. It broke her heart. But she only held out the little bottle of pills and the water without another word, and Norman took both from her. He shook two pills into his hand while balancing the water on the armrest and handed the pill bottle back to her.

When he’d washed down the pills, wincing, and put the glass on the little table by the chair, Lea got up out of her crouch and held out her hand to him. The best thing would be for him to go to bed right away. He could sleep the pain away, and the pills would work best if he was relaxed.

Norman took her hand and pulled himself to standing. As they started toward the stairs and their bedroom Lea put her arm around his middle and he in turn pulled her close with a suppressed little kind of noise that could have been a sigh or a sob.

Without saying a word Lea led Norman all the way into the bedroom, where he toed off his shoes and stripped down to t-shirt and boxer shorts without needing encouragement. Not looking at her he climbed into bed a little awkwardly, clearly already drowsy from the pills. When she looked down at him he motioned next to himself.

“Lie down with me for a bit?”

She didn’t need to be told twice. Stretching out by his side Lea opened her arms and he moved into them right away. She hugged him close, stroking his hair, and when he exhaled this time it was definitely a sob she could hear.

“’s all so messed up…”

“Oh, darling, I’m so sorry…we’ll talk about it, and I’ll help, if you want my help. You know that… but now you should sleep…”

He awkwardly wrapped his arms around her and held her tight.

“Yeah, ok…” And after a moment. “Are you ok, tho, baby girl?”

The question was unexpected, and Lea worried for a moment that he was guessing something was up. She decided to play for time.

“Why wouldn’t I be?”

Norman sighed. “I don’t know… I’m always messed up, and you take care of me. But I never make sure you’re ok…”

“Yes, you do… And anyway, I’m fine.”

Now really wasn’t time for big confessions. It was becoming harder to keep it all in, but Norman needed to rest now, not laden down with more worries. And yet, the tiny voice in her head that kept telling her that she was being a chicken about it all was getting steadily louder. She pushed it away. There was still plenty of time.

Lea leaned close and kissed Norman’s left temple, then his left brow, then his closed eyelid, the place of all this pain and misery he was going through over and over.

“Go to sleep now, darling. When the pain’s gone everything will look much better straight away.”

*

“You want coffee?”

Mingus, who had just slunk into the kitchen, looking morose and uncomfortable, stared at her. Lea knew he was surprised that she, a doctor and his dad’s new girl, would offer him coffee. She’d been in New York long enough to have picked up on the ubiquitousness of take-away coffees amongst teens much younger than Mingus. And having Norman for a dad could mean only one of two things: Either Mingus had been infected with the coffee bug a long time ago or he was banned from it and it would be a special treat. Either way, Lea had a hunch he’d not refuse the offer, and she was right.

“Uh, ok…latte?”

“Coming right up.”

Lea smiled her sweetest smile and turned back to the espresso machine where she’d just started making herself the same. She’d stayed with Norman until he’d been deeply asleep, then had disentangled herself quietly. For once she actually didn’t feel at all sleepy, and it would be best if Norman just had absolute quiet for a few hours, and the bed to himself, so the medication could do its thing.

“Dad asleep?”

Lea was surprised that Mingus would talk to her at all after what had happened, let alone initiate the conversation. But when she looked at him she could see the worry in his eyes, which, she noted, were the same color as Norman’s. She had a feeling this boy had been through quite a few things with his dad that he was really much too young for. She smiled reassuringly, making a mental note to keep those facts in mind.

“Yeah. The Lioresal has made him quite dopey. We better give him a few hours, we don’t want him to have another full-blown attack…”

Lea wasn’t sure how much Mingus knew about Norman’s migraines, but since they usually lived together whenever Norman was in New York, the answer was probably quite a lot.

“I didn’t want him to get another migraine, I didn’t mean to upset him so much… they’re horrible…”

“Yeah, they are.”

“Will he be ok?”

Lea hesitated. She had some ideas about what Norman’s options were, and they were pretty limited now, with the frequency of attacks increasing. She was convinced that the therapy with the psychiatrist would still be key, but with Norman’s schedule it would be a while before he would find the time to make any inroads there. There were a few more ideas she wanted to discuss with him, but it was much too early to mention any of that to his teenage son.

“He will be, yes.” Lea smiled again at Mingus, feeling sorry when she saw just how anxious he looked. “But we need to make sure he gets enough rest, and relaxes on his days off.”

This was as much veiled admonishment as she felt comfortable handing out, but Mingus just nodded thoughtfully, then took the coffee mug Lea handed him with a grave expression.

“Yeah, we do,” he said quietly, then ambled out of the kitchen, cradling the mug in both hands.

He was an odd kid, Lea thought. And he reminded her more and more of Norman.


	6. Chapter 6

He couldn’t explain why he’d done it, and when he was asked that question later, and he would be, he’d just shrug, feeling at a loss for words.

Mingus had gone back to New York Sunday night since he had to be back at school on Monday. They’d spent a slightly awkward but quiet Sunday together, meeting some friends who worked in various capacities on Norman’s new show, so that he and Lea could be out in public for a bit without starting any gossip. Norman wasn’t sure when and how they’d go public about their relationship. Lea hadn’t raised it, and he wasn’t sure how to approach it as yet, so he left well alone.

His son had been sweet when Norman had awoken from that drugged sleep, feeling dazed and more than a little queasy. But he’d held it together, and anyway, the worst of the pain seemed to have been averted. Lea had made them sandwiches for dinner and while they ate Norman had looked from his girl to his son with the suspicion that they had talked while he had been out cold. Mingus was solicitousness itself all through dinner and had come and given him a hug when they got up from the table.

They’d played video games that night, but when he noticed Norman yawning surreptitiously behind his hand Mingus had taken himself off to his room with good grace. He really was a good kid most of the time.

On the whole it had been a restful weekend, and Norman had enjoyed most of it. His fight with Mingus had been awful, but he was almost resigned to them clashing these days. It wouldn’t solve anything making himself miserable over it all the time, Lea was right. So he tried to push it away.

Lea and Norman had been scheduled to fly back to the city Monday at lunchtime, but in the end Lea had had to fly alone. Something had again come up. Norman wasn’t even surprised but was getting really tired of it now, and he knew that she was, too.

The thing Norman had only really realized after she’d left was that he wished he’d spent more time alone with Lea. They still had so much to learn about each other, and he wanted to know everything. They never seemed to have time for it, though. Norman also got the feeling there was something she was trying to tell him but couldn’t quite figure out how.

Well, now he had a secret of his own, and he had no idea how it had happened or what he should do next.

While he had been single during the last year plenty of temptation had presented itself, and he’d given in to the urge a few times. But they’d all been casual encounters, he’d not known any of the people and had never seen them again afterwards. And he was able to count them on one hand. Norman had no illusions about how most female – and a surprising number of male – fans perceived him. They wanted to get him into bed, and thought he’d be up for it more often than not. Why anyone would see him as a sex symbol he just couldn’t understand, but he’d learned to live with it.

And sometimes it was flattering, and enjoyable. A warm, soft body every now and then broke up the monotony of just his hand or the toys he was enthusiastic about trying out.

Now of course things were different, but he’d not acted as if they were. To be more precise, he’d behaved like a dick.

He wanted Lea and him to be the real thing, a proper relationship. But he’d not lasted five minutes with his grand plans before he’d fucked it all up, again. Why did he keep doing this? He didn’t know, and he seemed powerless to stop himself.

Had it been another random stranger he’d taken home it wouldn’t even have been so bad. But this time he knew the woman, and he knew he’d definitely have to see her again.

When Imogen had turned up to the meeting at the amc office on Monday morning it had been a pleasant surprise. Riding with the girls the previous summer had been one of the highlights of the year. Back then there had been not the hint of flirtation, which seemed almost ludicrous when he thought about it now. But it had been right around the time when the stalking had started, and work had been so busy. He’d been exhausted, a common theme it seemed all the time now, and all he’d wanted was to ride bikes and forget about everything else.

The meeting had been scheduled by amc to discuss the motorbike episode with the girls from the Women’s Moto Exhibit, planned to start shooting soon. Lanakila, who had started the whole initiative, had come from Portland specially for the meeting, but Imogen just happened to be in Atlanta for her jewelry business. She’d met up with Lanakila and come along last minute.

It had been only natural to treat the two women to lunch after the meeting. Lanakila had had to rush to the airport as soon as they’d finished their food, but Imogen would be in town for a few days, so she and Norman had lingered over coffee, talking bikes.

“I’d love to see your new machine.”

Norman had looked at her. He’d always thought Imogen the most beautiful of all the bike girls, but he knew she had a boyfriend, and he’d never even contemplated any scenarios. But her request was innocent enough. She loved bikes almost as much as him, after all.

“You free now? I can show you…”

She’d looked at him from under her lashes then, and her hand had wandered on top of his where it lay on the table between them.

“Got all afternoon…”

He’d known exactly what she had in mind right then, and yet he’d taken her home without hesitation anyway.

They hadn’t talked. They hadn’t even looked at the bikes. And the worst thing was that he’d fucked her in the same bed, the same sheets where he’d held his baby girl in his arms just that morning.

When they’d been sitting on the bed, putting their clothes back on afterwards Imogen had suddenly turned to him, holding something in her hand.

“You got a new girl?”

Norman saw that she was holding the _Love_ necklace he’d given Lea just the other day. She must’ve dropped it when they’d gotten ready that morning.

Suddenly furious with himself and both women he’d snatched the necklace from Imogen, gotten up off the bed and walked from the room without looking back.

“I’ll call you a cab.”

So that had been that. Even before Imogen had left Norman felt only disgust with himself. Why had he done it? He was happy with his girl, and excited about their future. Why risk it all for a cheap thrill? He didn’t know. He hardly ever understood what caused him to fuck up.

His phone had been off since before the meeting in Atlanta, and he’d not thought about it since. When he turned it back on now he saw that he had one text from Lea among half a dozen others and several missed call. He ignored all of them and focused on Lea’s message, heart heavy with remorse.

_Landed in one piece. Rushing home now to shower and change, then back to work. On-call tonight. U r busy, don’t worry bout calling. Speak when we can. Miss u already, tysm for a wonderful weekend. x_

He tapped the phone off and put it aside. The urge to just call her and confess what he’d done was strong, but the fear that she’d just end it right then was stronger.

He didn’t call her that day. Instead he lay on the sofa, listening to the same Peggy Lee songs he’d played her on the weekend. In one hand he had a bottle of bourbon whose contents dwindled steadily until he passed out in the wee hours of the morning.

In his other hand Norman was clutching the _Love_ necklace.

*

Again she was on a plane, and again she was on her own.

_Come meet me in LA. Got 2 work, press junket 4 Triple 9, but got time in the evenings. U can meet some of my friends. X_

Lea didn’t like Los Angeles. She’d spent a year there during her undergraduate studies – pre-med as they called it here. UCLA’s School of Medicine had a worldwide reputation for excellence, and worked with one of the best oncology departments in the country. The problem was that, as pre-med, she’d never gotten to see any of that. Instead Lea had spent nine months trying not to fall asleep in class as a bunch of bored, over-privileged kids had yawned their way through biochemistry subjects she’d already covered during her high school years.

She’d found the city equally uninspiring, and she’d never been back. So, stepping off the plane at LAX, she felt apprehension rather than excitement. The flight had been even more comfortable than flying to Georgia. Lea had been amazed to board her flight and be met by a smiling flight attendant who had let her straight into First Class. When Lea had stammered that there must have been a mistake the stewardess had smiled even more widely.

“We were instructed to upgrade your seat, Dr. Winters.”

So, slightly shocked, Lea had found herself stretched out on a bed almost as wide as her own at home, sipping champagne and enjoying six hours of being waited on hand and foot.

As it was a domestic flight phones were allowed, and Lea had a message shortly before landing.

_Interviews overrunning. Driver 2 pick u up. Rest @ hotel, we got plans tonite. Will call asap. X_

Lea had almost expected this, his work never went as planned it seemed. She didn’t mind the hanging around, and she knew she had to get used to it if she wanted them to be long term. As always she’d brought some work for herself, but she had to admit to herself she really couldn’t wait to see him. She’d missed him terribly.

The driver was waiting with a name sign when she emerged land-side and, taking Lea’s small suitcase, quickly ushered her to a dark car with blacked-out windows. He loaded the suitcase into the trunk and held the door open for her. Only then did Lea realize that she didn’t know what hotel they were staying at. But the driver didn’t seem to need directions, he just peeled into the traffic smoothly.

As they drove Lea’s hand wandered onto her neck, checking that the necklace was still there. Norman had only sent it back the day before. When she’d noticed it had gone when she returned to New York she had been frantic. She’d dreaded telling him she’d lost it.

But when he’d called her the next morning he hadn’t made a thing of it, just told her not to worry, it had turned up at the house. They’d only spoken briefly, but he’d sounded utterly exhausted again even though it had been early morning. She’d held off asking about his work on the previous day, but had quietly wondered how long he could keep going at this pace.

They hadn’t spoken since then. He’d asked her via text whether she was free to join him in LA and she had confirmed that she was indeed available Friday through Sunday. Tickets had been delivered to her workplace in a padded envelope together with the necklace and had been waiting for her when she’d arrived at lunchtime for her shift on Thursday. Kathy had told her that the envelope had been delivered by a man in an expensive-looking suit.

While Lea had been deep in thought she’d hardly noticed where they were going, but when they arrived at the hotel Lea stared. It was the Chateau Marmont on Sunset Boulevard. She’d always wanted to stay there, long before she’d known about Norman. It had always seemed to embody Hollywood – the scandal, the parties, the struggling actors. Somehow it had seemed romantic to her.

How had he known? Had she mentioned it? She couldn’t remember.

While the driver unloaded her bag Lea pulled out the iPhone and without thinking dialed Norman’s number. When she could hear the ringing at the other end she remembered how unlikely it was that he could take her call. Never mind, she could leave him a message. She was too excited to wait.

To her surprise he picked up on the third ring.

“Hey baby girl. Everything ok?”

“Oh, Norman, I’m sorry to disturb you, I couldn’t wait… The Chateau Marmont? How did you know…?!”

“That you’d be over the moon if we stayed there? I’m just really good at reading my girl’s every wish?”

“Really?”

“Well, no,” he conceded with an audible smile, “but I do listen when people talk to me, at least occasionally…”

That was, Lea knew, more than modest. Norman was an extremely good listener, and he always remembered what people liked. It was a little eerie, in fact, his desire to fulfil everyone’s smallest whim.

“I’ve noticed that, honey. It’s a gift, you know, being able to listen?”

“Wish I could remember my lines half as well, tho… Babe, I gotta go back now, I’m sorry. Next journalist is already frothing at the mouth. I’ll see you in a couple hours, no later than 7pm, I swear.”

“Where are we going? And what should I wear?”

“Something fairly smart. It’s a private party, but the people… well, you’ll see…”

*

The party they went to was like nothing Lea had ever attended, in a place the likes of which she’d never even set foot in before. They arrived at a beautiful mansion in the Hollywood Hills at 7.30, again in the back of the black car that had picked Lea up from the airport. The car took them all the way up the long drive to the marble steps leading up to an ultra-modern, sprawling collection of low, elegant buildings. Lea had never been up this way when she’d live in West Hollywood, simply because she’d not had a car. But she’d passed many similar properties in Beverly Hills, all high gates and ample, beautiful grounds.

While they were still climbing the few steps the door was opened by a slender, elegant looking man, maybe a few years younger than Norman but with already greying hair. He grinned broadly at them, and as soon as Norman was close enough the man threw his arms around him.

“Long time no see, brother! You gotta come out here more, you’re pale as a ghost. And this is…”

Norman let go of his friend and waved Lea close, putting his hands on her shoulders.

“This is Dr. Lea Winters. Lea, this is my friend Balthazar Getty.”

“Call me Balt, everyone does,” the man said with a big smile, extending his hand. “Great to meet you. Norm here said he was bringing someone, we were all curious…”

Lea shook Balt’s hand, feeling nervous. She glanced at Norman. Why had he made such a formal introduction? Did he think the other man would be impressed with her? Would they not accept her as one of them unless Norman made out she was somehow special? As so often when nervous Lea fled into humor.

“I hope I won’t be expected to operate on anyone…”

Norman put his arm around her briefly and leaned down, kissing her ear. “Don’t be nervous, baby girl. I got ya…”

They followed Balt through an entrance hall bigger than Lea’s whole apartment and on into a huge living room full of people. They all seemed to know Norman, and within seconds the three of them were surrounded. Norman hugged virtually everyone, kissed cheeks and waved at people. Lea felt curious eyes assessing her from all directions. Someone handed her a drink, and she was glad to have something to do with her hands.

She took a sip from the G&T, then remembered she really shouldn’t be drinking. Glancing at Norman and seeing him engrossed in conversation Lea quietly slipped out of the crowd. Standing with her back to the wall and holding her drink like a shield without drinking it she observed Norman surrounded by his friends. He looked different somehow, more relaxed and happier than he usually appeared in a crowd.

Lea was glad to see him like this. If he was happy to be here she wouldn’t mind hanging back tonight. She’d known he’d be busy here this weekend, and she had still agreed to come. And after all, she got to go home with him at the end of the night.

The evening wore on, and Lea had to admit that it quickly got boring. When they’d been out together before Norman had always drawn her back into his circle after a while, or at least checked on her to see that she was ok. Usually he didn’t let her out of touching distance for long. And he’d told her not to be nervous right at the beginning. He knew this wasn’t her kind of scene and that she found it awkward talking to these kinds of people.

Or did he? Had she ever actually told him that it made her uncomfortable? It had come up, a little here and there, she supposed, but she’d always happily gone along with all his plans. And, she kept reminding herself, what was a few hours of boredom compared to seeing him happy and relaxed? And increasingly intoxicated too, she noticed from afar. Her mind wouldn’t let it go.

Had he been colder with her today? They had hardly spoken since she’d come back from Georgia, but then they’d both had a busy week. And tonight had been more of the same. He’d rushed into the hotel room only minutes before the car was due to pick them up, throwing on a more swanky outfit than she’d ever seen him in.

He had seemed tense in the car, too. Usually he drew her in, always had a hand on her. Tonight he’d concentrated on his phone almost the entire drive, only glancing at her every so often with a tense sort of smile that didn’t reach his eyes. He’d not told her that she looked nice in the dark blue dress she’d specially bought for the weekend…

“You’re Lea, aren’t you?”

Lea startled and looked around at a smiling, dark-haired woman of around her age. The woman held out a hand.

“I’m Rose, Balt’s wife.”

Lea smiled automatically and shook the offered hand.

“Yes, I’m Lea. Nice to meet you.”

Rose’s eyes wandered over to where Norman was still the centre of attention, telling a gaggle of people a clearly funny anecdote. Lea noticed that his hands were doing more and more of the talking as he got more drunk. She wondered how many of those rum and cokes he’d had. New glasses kept appearing before he ever finished the last one. But she’d not waver in her determination not to nag him about things like that. He was a big boy, and he knew his limits.

“I’m glad to see him happy,” Rose said, but when Lea looked at her she could see a small frown on her forehead that made her a little uneasy. “He’s not brought anyone along in forever, and the last one, well…”

“Hmm…” Lea wasn’t sure what to say. She didn’t want to air any of her misgivings to a stranger, even if Rose surely knew Norman much better than she did.

“He’ll remember you’re here soon,” Rose said kindly, seeming to read Lea’s mind. “He’s not seen most people here in ages, they’ve got a lot of catching up to do.”

“Oh it’s fine, I don’t mind.”

Rose smiled again and changed the subject. Lea was glad that the other woman seemed to have gathered that she didn’t feel like she should talk about Norman’s behavior. Instead they chatted about work and travel and Lea was pleased to find that even though their lives were so different – Rose was an interior designer and she and Balt had four children – they got on extremely well. Lea could tell just by looking around her that this was a family wealthier than even Norman could ever dream of becoming through his work, yet Rose seemed not very different from her in what she enjoyed and hoped for from her life.

“How are you finding LA?”

“Oh, I used to live here when I went to university. Well, not _here_ here… this is a bit different to what I’m used to…”

Rose gave an oddly sad little smile at that.

“Don’t be fooled by appearances. You’ll find out soon enough, this glitzy world isn’t nearly as glamorous as our lot like to make the rest of the world believe…”

Before Lea could say anything else one of the liveried waiters stepped up to Rose and whispered something to her. Rose frowned.

“Will you excuse me. A drama in the kitchen, apparently.”

And with that their hostess left Lea standing. Lea glanced at Norman who was still busy with his friends and unaware of her. With a small sigh she went in the search of food, suddenly feeling ravenous.

*

It was very late before Norman was finally ready to leave. He found Lea where she’d retreated to the very edge of the huge terrace, staring in wonder down at the panorama that was LA by night. The view was stunning, and for the first time Lea got an inkling that, with a lot more money than she’d ever see in her life, living in this city might be nice after all.

She heard his footsteps behind her, still sounding steady and sure and recognizable. Good, maybe he wasn’t as drunk as she’d thought. Then she felt his hands heavy on her shoulders. A moment later he bent down, kissing her neck and the side of her face. He smelled of booze and cigarettes, but he’d clearly remembered she was there and was keen to touch her. She leaned into his caresses and he turned her around and gave her a long, passionate kiss, drawing her close with a strong arm around her middle. She could feel him getting hard against her.

“Shall we go, baby girl?”

“Yeah…”

Lea was nervous. She didn’t want to sleep with Norman until she’d told him about the pregnancy. She wasn’t even sure why, as a doctor she knew that it wouldn’t harm the baby. And anyway… but she pushed all of that away again. It just felt dishonest, somehow…

They made their get-away quickly, only saying good-bye to Balt because they happened across him on their way to the door. At first Lea thought Norman rude for not taking his leave properly, but when she looked around her she saw that most of the other guests looked beyond caring what anybody else was doing. They were lounging around, semi-conscious or numb looking, and all of a sudden the expensive clothes and the stunning setting didn’t seem glamorous to Lea anymore, just sad, and somehow much smaller.

Balt was still sober enough to thank them for coming, and to kiss Lea on the cheek. Before he pulled away he whispered very quietly, “Take care of him, and yourself”.

Then he let go of her and threw his arms around Norman. “Bring her back sometime soon, brother. So good to see you both!”

On the way to the waiting car Lea mused about Balt’s parting words. Why had he said to her, a virtual stranger, that she should take care of herself? It must have something to do with Norman, but what?

But then she was distracted by Norman’s hands on her, almost undressing her before they were quite in the backseat of their car. For a minute she let herself enjoy the attention he was finally ready to give her again, but then she tried to disentangle herself gently.

“Not quite yet, honey. Let’s wait til we’re alone…”

She tried to pull her jacket closed over her chest since Norman had almost pushed the thin straps of her dress down to her waist. Suddenly she froze, one hand on her neck.

“Oh, no…”

Lea now pushed Norman away in earnest, frantically running her hands over herself and feeling all around her. Norman leaned back with a grunt.

“What now? You don’t wanna fuck, just say so…”

The dismissiveness in his voice went right through her like a knife. Lea looked at him but he was staring unseeingly out into the night.

“It’s not that… the necklace, I… I’ve lost it…”

“Oh for fuck’s sake…”

Now he looked at her, and the venom in his voice as well as the volume made her jump. Even the driver, so far professionally uninterested in their backseat groping, looked at them in the rear view mirror now, frowning.

“You got any idea what that thing cost?”

His gaze was angrier than she’d ever seen him except after the incident in Harlem. He looked almost scary, and Lea’s heart sped up with fear.

“I…what…?”

“Well, do you?”

“No…”

“Two and a half thousand bucks!” he nearly roared, and Lea flinched back from him in shock. “And this is the second time you lost it… what’s the matter with you?!”

The driver now looked ready to pull over and intervene as Norman kept glowering at her. But then Norman turned away with an angry snort, his back to Lea.

Lea felt almost sick now, but there was anger mixed up with the fear, too. Why would he waste that amount of money on something so ridiculous? She’d never asked for it… She couldn’t keep quiet.

“Why did you spend so much on a piece of jewelry?”

“Cuz…”

But Lea never learned the answer to that question because Norman’s phone now started ringing. He pulled it out of his pocket with an impatient gesture at her to be quiet. Seething herself now, Lea turned toward the window and stared into the darkness.

“What?” Norman barked into the phone.

Lea tuned out the conversation he was having about something to do with the bike show. Did these people never sleep?

They got back to the Chateau and Norman climbed out of the car without a glance at her, phone still clamped to his ear. He didn’t walk toward the hotel entrance but down toward Sunset Strip and never looked around. Lea stood and waited for a few minutes, but when he didn’t return she slowly made her way up to their room.

So there it was, their first real fight.

*

Lea left the bathroom light on for him, and that door cracked open. Just because they’d been fighting didn’t mean she wanted him to fall over in the dark when he finally came back.

As she undressed she found the missing necklace almost straight away, nestled in her bra. Stupid thing… she looked closely at the clasp and noticed there was a much too big gap where it should fasten securely. Easy to fix, probably. She’d have to take it to a shop when they were back home.

She’d known it must have been expensive, but $2,500 was way beyond what she’d imagined. Why would you waste that kind of money on a _thing_? If she had that sort of money to spare she’d go traveling. Then she realized that $2,500 wouldn’t even pay for her first class flight that day.

This had to stop.

 _Well,_ the little voice in her head said, _it will now. He’ll tell you to leave in the morning anyway…_

Lea told her brain to shut up and climbed into bed. Rationally, she knew he’d do no such thing. The necklace wasn’t lost after all, and if she thought he’d leave her every time they had a disagreement she’d drive herself crazy soon. But he’d looked so scary…

Turning over she tried to calm her mind, but the longer she lay in the dark the more anxious she got. Where was he? It was nearly 3am now, they’d gotten to the hotel just after one. At 3.30 Lea was about to get up again and call him, when suddenly the door to their room banged open noisily.

Lea lay still but she kept her eyes on him as he walked into view, a black silhouette in the gloom. She didn’t think he saw her watching him as he staggered across the room, stopping dead by the table that held a tray of coffees and teas as well as the mini bar. He turned his back on the room, leaning onto the table with both hands. Then he lowered his head and gave a low groan. She saw him swaying as he suddenly straightened up again, pushing himself away from the table and hurrying toward the bathroom.

She was out of bed in a flash and followed him quickly. He banged his shoulder hard on the doorframe as he staggered into the bathroom and gave a yelp of pain that quickly turned into a moan.

He didn’t close the bathroom door behind himself, Lea didn’t think he had time. He made straight for the toilet, already gagging. Lea got to his side just when his knees gave way and she caught him and lowered them both carefully. He was heavy in her arms, and Lea felt a spasm in her back. No matter, he needed her to be strong. And he needed her not to be mad any more.

When he leaned forward and over the toilet, retching painfully and shaking hard Lea kept her arms around him and held him steady. He held on to her arm hard, clammy-cold fingers digging painfully into skin. She almost gave a hiss, knowing he’d leave her bruised.

He heaved again and sick splattered into the toilet bowl. The stench of alcohol was almost overpowering.

“Oh darling, what did you do?”

But he couldn’t answer, just retched again as more dark liquid came up in a rush. Lea pushed his hair out of the way and tugged it behind his ear as he gagged repeatedly.

She knew that this time the misery was entirely self-inflicted, but she just couldn’t be mad at him any more. He was sobbing now, curled up against her, arms wrapped tightly around his middle. And still the vomiting continued.

How long they stayed on the bathroom floor Lea couldn’t say. For the longest time, every time she tried to move them he started gagging again. She gave up then and looked for a small towel which she managed to soak under the cold tap on the bathtub. With it she wiped his face and neck, which seemed to soothe him a little and he relaxed against her.

The longer they stayed on the bathroom floor the weaker Norman seemed to get. He was leaning into her with his full weight and finally Lea had to shift them so she could lean against the wall when her back became too sore. The movement brought on a new bout of gagging and she helped Norman lean over the toilet again. When he could stop retching he rested his head on crossed arms over the toilet, shoulders shaking with silent sobs.

“Oh honey, don’t cry…”

Lea stroked his back gently. She was over her anger now, and not even exasperated that he’d done this to himself. He was paying for it already, and she just hoped all this wouldn’t lead to more headaches.

“’m sorry… ‘m sorry I yelled… stupid reason…should’ve never bought that necklace…”

“Darling, it’s ok. I found it, it was in my bra. I’ll have the clasp fixed when we get back.”

“Jus’… just give it away…”

He tensed, then gagged again, but nothing more came up. Lea pulled him back into her arms, and he collapsed against her, shaking.

“We gotta get you to bed, darling…you’re sweaty, you’re gonna catch cold…and soon I won’t be able to get you off the floor…”

And finally he let her help him up. They almost went down again right away when he turned white as a sheet, swaying as they straightened up. Lea clung on and managed to keep him upright, but barely.

“Norman, don’t gray out on me now, stay with me… breathe, honey, that’s it…”

He was clinging on painfully again, but after a minute rubbing him between the shoulders Lea could feel him relax a little. Then he looked at her, eyes bloodshot but reasonably focused.

“’s ok…won’t zonk out now…”

“Ok, let’s move…”

Lea could feel the sweat on his back cooling quickly. She had to get him horizontal, he was fading fast. She moved them into the bedroom, and over to the bed, and he went down hard, she had no strength left to prevent it. He whimpered and curled up on his side, but then his head snapped around and he tried to get up again.

“What is it?”

“’m gonna puke…”

Lea looked around quickly, locating a plastic waste bin over by the desk. She hurried to get it and was just in time to hold it under him as he retched up more bile.

“How have you got anything left, honey?”

“Dunno…,” he gasped and sank back into the pillow with a groan.

Lea sat down on the bed and stroked his face gently, as he fought to get his breath back. Why had he done this, gone out and gotten so drunk? He’d been quite inebriated already after the party. Their fight, or the phone call, must’ve set off something. Was it all getting too much to handle?

“Want to tell me what happened?”

Norman didn’t open his eyes, just curled up more tightly and shrugged. “Dunno… ‘s not working… there’s always something, can’t get it straightened out… ‘m too stupid for this shit, can’t figure it out…”

He shuddered and Lea was sure for a moment he’d throw up again. Thankfully he didn’t. She resumed stroking his face and neck, which felt too warm under her fingers now.

Was the migraine coming back?

“Honey, you’re not stupid. You’re doing well with the show, I’m sure. It’s a lot of responsibility, but you’ll see it’ll be fine. You’re great with people…”

Norman leaned into her hand as she stroked his hair, but made a skeptical noise.

“You are good at it, nobody has said any different, have they?”

“No… but I… I’m messing _us_ up…”

He pulled away now and hid his face in the pillow, and Lea felt a moment of disquiet. What did he mean?

“No you’re not… what makes you say that? All couples fight sometimes…”

But he wouldn’t look at her. His hands suddenly pressed into his stomach hard, and he moaned quietly, curling up further. Lea tensed.

“You gonna be sick again?”

“Dunno… hurts…”

They waited a few minutes, but nothing happened. Lea placed a hand against his on his stomach and he sighed with discomfort.

“Norman, we need to go to sleep, it’s almost five in the morning. You got a premiere to go to today. I’ll get you an Alka Seltzer for the stomach pain, and a fresh shirt…”

She got him back to sitting carefully, cleaned him up, put a fresh tee on him and helped him out of his pants. Then she made him drink the Alka Seltzer slowly, watching carefully for signs of it disagreeing with him. Thankfully it stayed down. Finally he curled up under the blankets again and Lea climbed in next to him.

Norman made no move to get closer, and for once Lea was almost glad. She would have to sleep on what had happened, get things straight in her head.

He was quiet for a long time, but she knew he wasn’t asleep. When he finally spoke his voice was so quiet Lea could hardly hear him.

“’m so sorry… I did stupid things…”

With a sigh Lea turned over to face him in the dark. She felt for his hands, which she knew would be on the pillow close to his face. They still felt clammy. Lea squeezed his fingers.

“Let’s not worry about it now. It’s ok, and you need to sleep. Long day tomorrow…or today, rather…”

She had a feeling that he wanted to say something else, but couldn’t. He let her hold his hands, but didn’t reciprocate when she stroked his fingers and wrist. Finally Lea felt him drift off to sleep.

Lea never slept that night. She lay awake wondering what was going on, and how they could move forward.

And whether she’d ever get around to telling him about the baby.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prepare to have your heart ripped out...

It happened again, and this time it was even worse. That it could be worse Norman wouldn’t have believed if someone had told him, but this definitely was. He didn’t even like her, which made it even more confusing. She was just always there, and it had just…happened…

He knew she didn’t like him either, and he had no trouble kicking her out of his hotel room the moment they were done. It wasn’t like she had far to go, the room she shared with Sean Clark was just on the floor below. He closed the door firmly behind her, then went back to the bed as if in a trance and let himself fall onto it backwards. Burying his face in his hands Norman exhaled shakily.

What the fucking fuck had gotten into him?

Jonny had been right, he should’ve gone out with his friends. Then Nay wouldn’t have had the chance to finally pin him down. She’d been after him for ages, he’d known that, and since Sean liked to bring his girl to work whenever he could she’d had plenty of opportunities to get him riled up.

Usually that didn’t work on him, just as flattery usually didn’t. Countless women had thrown themselves at him in recent years, and he’d hardly ever given in. For many, if not most, he was merely a notch on their bedpost, and he had absolutely no beef with that whatsoever. Why should women not have the same needs and opportunities as men? They all had bodies, it was only natural. But 99 per cent of the time he’d just not been interested.

Why that would change now, when he had the most amazing girl waiting for him at home he just couldn’t figure out.

They’d not left it well, him and Lea, before he’d been off to London. Something had changed after that night in LA when he’d gotten so unbelievably wasted. He couldn’t even have described properly what that something was, but somehow there was a gap where there had been none before. She’d pulled back a little, he was sure of it, but he had a feeling she’d just reacted to him keeping her at a distance. He just couldn’t look her in the eye, what with Imogen, and how he’d behaved after Balt’s party. And now this… He groaned and rolled over, burying his head in the pillow.

Fuck!

*

Saturday at the con was exhausting, jetlag was with them from the get go. But cons were just like that, and Norman was well used to existing on fumes and caffeine on these weekends. Lea would be appalled if she could see his eyes he thought when he looked into the mirror that night. They were mere slits, puffy and red and more wrinkly than ever. But of course, nobody had seen them all day. His Ray Bans were Norman’s best friends at cons, and he’d not taken them off once that day.

First thing that morning he’d sent Jon a text. He had no idea whether they’d cross paths at all that day, and in fact, they hadn’t. Norman had hung out with Greg a few times on smoke breaks, but that had been pretty much it. He’d told Greg that he’d not join the others that evening either. Their hosts had arranged a tour to something called the Shard, but Norman had no interest in running into Nay. He could ask Lea later what he’d missed with that Shard. For now, he needed to talk to Jon.

He’d sent Jon the same message they always used for these meetings: _Want to borrow that book tonight? 8pm? We can go eat after._

And Jon, as usual, was there bang on time. Norman hardly managed to close the door behind his friend before the other man’s hands were all over him. It hardly took two minutes for them to lose all their clothes and fall onto the bed.

Norman let Jon do what he wanted. They switched it up enough to keep it interesting, but more often than not it was Norman who bottomed. With Jon, he absolutely loved it. They trusted each other, they knew what the other needed.

Norman gave himself up to it, the feeling of Jon behind him, inside him, as he lay on his side, head thrown back, blissing out. Jon was sososo good at it, and Norman could let himself go when he was with Jon. It was safe. It was familiar. It was family.

It was right, and it felt so good.

Afterwards, they lay in bed, spent, content. Norman hoped Jon would stay the night. He woulld ask him later, he had to remember. That was safe too. Nobody would even know, and nobody who knew them would care. Norman lay resting against Jon, head on his friend’s chest, and for a while neither of them spoke. Then Norman felt Jon’s hand in his hair, tugging gently on a few strands.

“You got quite the Wookie going there, baby…”

Norman glanced into his friends face and grinned, reaching up and stroking Jon’s military-style haircut. “You’re just jealous. They going Shane on you at work, Jonny?”

Jon grinned down at him and wrapped his arm around Norman tightly. “I miss that crazy cop bastard, y’know? And all of you guys down there… though the heat not so much…”

He curled his hand into Norman’s hair again, letting the strands glide through his fingers. “So, why am I in your bed, man? I mean, apart from the obvious. That was good, by the way. Never had sex in London before…

Norman didn’t answer straight away, just played with a loose thread in the cover. He needed Jon’s help, but he found it hard to think about what he’d done, never mind say it out loud. He took a deep breath. Nothing for it but out.

“I…did something stupid, Jon. Something really fucked up…”

“Is this about your new girl? Linda, or whatever she’s called…”

“Lea. And yes. I... oh fuck it. I cheated on her.”

There was a pause. Jon pulled away slightly and Norman looked up. “Um… you made me come here and fuck you so you could guilt trip over how you cheated on your new squeeze? Back up a few steps, buddy, you lost me…”

“Not us. Not…this…”

“So she’s cool with us doing the dirty, but not you and somebody else? Dude…have you talked to her about us?”

“I haven’t, not yet. But I know she’ll be cool with that, I just know…”

“I’ll have to take your word for it…”

“If she’s not cool with it then she’s not right for me anyway. Cuz you and I, that ain’t gonna stop.”

“Glad to hear it…”

“It never did with the others…”

“And we know how well that worked.”

“She’s different. She really is, man, in so many ways…”

“Again, gotta take your word for it. Though she’s clever, gotta give her that.”

“You got no idea, Jonny…”

“Ok, got it, she’s special. Now, what happened?”

“I slept with two other women…”

“Two?! At the same time? Cuz if that’s the case I’ll say congr…”

“No, different times.”

“Christ, Norm, you got a midlife crisis?”

Norman guessed Jon was joking, but maybe he was right? Maybe he was being a dick because he was scared of getting old… Norman sighed.

“I don’t know, Jonny. I don’t know why I slept with them. I didn’t mean to…”

There were a hundred obvious jokes Jon could’ve made, but he kept quiet. That, Norman thought, was why they were friends, and why he trusted Jon implicitly when he would trust hardly anyone else. He didn’t say anything more. He knew he didn’t need to.

“You serious about that doctor?”

There was no hint of teasing in Jon’s voice now. Norman didn’t need to think twice about the answer.

“Very serious, yeah…”

“Then you gotta tell her, baby….”

People sometimes thought Jon rude, or unfriendly, but Norman knew the real Jonny. His voice was gentle and full of empathy now. His friend always knew when Norman was seriously stuck with something, and he never, ever made fun of him or called him weak for it, neither privately or in front of others. That was the reason Norman loved Jonny.

“What if she breaks up with me?”

“Norman,” Jon’s voice was grave now, and Norman craned around to see his friend’s face. Jon held his gaze, unsmiling. “If she does break up with you, tough. Frankly, you deserve it. It’ll be tough, and it’ll hurt, but eventually you’ll get over it. But if you don’t tell her then you’re nothing but a little shit. You’ll keep doing it, and you know it. And you’ll destroy this anyway, cuz you won’t let yourself be happy. It’ll eat you alive.”

“Should I call her right now?”

“Oh, baby, you never done this before, huh?”

“I never told none of them, no… we’d just pick fights until she’d break up with me…”

“Real mature, Norm… anyway, women, they don’t like the bad news phone call. She gotta see your face, man, see you’re real sorry…”

“I am real sorry…”

“Yeah, but she don’t know that. So you need all them weapons at the ready. Tears, quivery lip, that sorta thing… Meet her soon as you’re back in the city…”

“What do I say, tho?”

“Don’t matter one bit, bro. Just make sure you’re really fucking sorry…”

“I am…”

“Good. Might just work, then…”

*

“Hey doc.”

“Hey darling. You ok?”

“Yeah, ‘m fine…”

“Good. Why’re you still up, though? It’s nearly 1am there.”

“Just got back from dinner…about to turn in.”

“You better. Long day, I bet?”

“Yeah. Fun tho.”

“My adopted city treat you ok?”

“Haven’t seen fuck all, really, been in this one huge building all day. But everyone’s real nice… Listen, you free Monday night?”

“I am. Got Monday and Tuesday off. Shall I come over?”

“If it’s not a pain in the ass…”

“Course it’s not, why would it? I haven’t seen you since last weekend… Norman, is everything ok?”

“Yeah, sure. Come over, we can have a nice night in. And I’m free Tuesday too.”

“Great, deal. It’s a date. Shall I feed Eye Monday evening?”

“If you could… Thanks.”

“No problem. What time you gonna be home?”

“Should be around 7pm, I think?”

“Great. See you then… Miss you…”

“And me… bye, doc…”

*

It was just gone four pm on Monday when Lea let herself into the penthouse. She’d decided to come early, feed the cat and make sure the place was neat for Norman, and nothing was missing from the cupboards. She wanted their evening, and the next day, to be perfect, and ideally they would not even have to leave the house.

And for the evening to be perfect they’d have to have a perfect dinner, too.

Since this week Lea had started to experience cravings. Nothing too bad, but the last two days she hadn’t been able to get this particular bread out of her head. She used to make it at home, so she’d scoured the European shops for wholemeal flour, grains and seeds. Thank the heavens for Manhattan’s melting pot flair, and for Norman’s oven.

Lea was unhappy with how they’d left it when they’d last seen each other, and she was sure so was he. A few days distance had shown her just how much she cared for him, even though he had been a bit of an ass in LA. And she desperately had to tell him about the pregnancy. Whatever happened tonight, she’d tell him. No excuses this time.

She fed Eye first. The cat seemed happy to see her, but then, she was bribing him with food, so who knew. Then she lined up all the ingredients she’d need for the bread on the kitchen counter. She was just about to turn on the oven to pre-heat when there was a knock on the door.

Lea stopped in mid-crouch in front of the oven. Who would be knocking upstairs who’d not rung the doorbell first? Maybe a neighbor? Only one way to find out.

Lea made her way down the stairs, past Eye lurking on the bottom step again. She shooed him up the stairs so he wouldn’t escape, then opened the door a crack.

“Err, hi, can I help?”

The woman outside the door was blond, skinny and pretty, and holding a box clutched under one arm. Lea thought she looked vaguely familiar. When her eyes alighted on Lea they went from friendly to cold.

“Oh, hi… is Norman at home?”

Lea didn’t care for the way the woman was looking her up and down, eyes lingering on her old, washed-out top with a barely suppressed smirk. With a jolt Lea noticed that the woman was wearing the same _Love_ necklace Norman had given her. Her hand went to her own neck reflexively where the necklace was clearly visible on the low neckline. She’d only had the clasp fixed the other day. The other woman noticed where Lea’s hand went and her smirk turned into a frown. Hoping to end this quickly Lea cleared her throat.

“Can I ask who you are? And how did you get in downstairs?”

“I’m Diane. I worked on Sky with Norman? A neighbor let me in, I’ve been here before and she recognized me.”

Lea had no idea what Sky was, but now she recognized the woman. It was Diane Kruger, the actress with German roots who had been linked to Norman in those gossip rags late the previous year.

“I brought some things Norman wanted. I said I’d come by soon…” Diane indicated the box. “Can I come in?”

Lea stepped aside a little reluctantly. “He’s not here. He won’t be home until late tonight.”

Diane walked past her without a word and made straight for the stairs. Lea closed the door and followed quickly, and they climbed up to the living room together. Diane put the box on the dining table and turned to Lea, looking expectantly.

What else did she want? Did she expect Lea to offer her a drink? And what then? Bond over gossip?

“I, uh… I’ll tell him you came by…?”

No offer of coffee forthcoming, Diane turned around and looked at the pictures on the wall behind the table, walking slowly around it and letting her hand glide over the backs of the dining chairs.

“Do you know what that necklace costs?”

What was Diane trying to achieve with that question, Lea wondered. But she squared her shoulders. She refused to be intimidated.

“As it happens I do, yes.”

“You know,” Diane said and threw Lea a look from the far side of the table, again looking her up and down dismissively, “I always wondered why Norman wasn’t ever interested in starting an affair with me…”

She let her fingers glide over the nearest picture now, one of the Mingus portraits when he’d been very small. Lea was nearly holding her breath. She wanted this woman to leave, she didn’t like where this was going at all. How could she get rid of her? Diane turned and scrutinized her again.

“Now I know. He’s obviously into plain and dumpy right now…”

Lea was stunned. Had she heard right? She couldn’t believe this famous woman could be this nasty to a perfect stranger. She was sure Norman had no idea what his cos-star was really like, or he would’ve never invited her to his house. But Lea was no shrinking violet. She drew herself up.

“You better leave now…”

“Don’t worry, I’m leaving. I won’t be seeing you again, this will never last.”

And with that Diane strode over to the staircase. Lea hurried down the stairs after her. She didn’t even know why, but somehow it seemed important that she made sure this woman was well and gone from the apartment.

As Lea stepped off the last step, eyes on Diane who had just opened the door in the dim entryway Lea’s foot collided with something soft and furry. She heard a hiss, then quickly moved her foot and looked down at the same time.

Somehow she avoided stepping on Eye who shot away toward the bedrooms, but the quick movement made her overbalance and she could feel herself falling before she could do anything about it. Groping for the handhold Lea knew instinctively she had no chance of grabbing it. She tried to fall sideways, somehow get her hands under herself but it was too late and she crashed down hard.

There was a searing pain in her left side and hip where she’d collided hard with the stairs. Her elbow grazed the wall painfully and she felt the wind knocked out of her. Numb with pain and shock Lea just lay there, too dazed to move. Then she heard a derisive laugh from somewhere above her.

“Clumsy too. My, what a catch…”

Lea looked up, tears of pain obscuring her vision, and saw Diane’s coat whip out of sight. She couldn’t move, the agony in her hip, her ribs, her side throbbed with every heartbeat.

Then she heard a purring and tried to crane her neck to see where the cat was coming from. Eye was just moving into view, belly to the floor, making for the door.

“No…”

Shit! Even talking hurt.

This was the last thing she needed, the cat escaping. Biting her lip Lea got herself to sitting, then, using mostly her right arm, pushed herself across the hallway until she was close enough to grab the door, which was standing wide open. She held onto the door and pulled herself up slowly. Eye was almost at her side now.

“Nonono, sweetheart…” she gasped and tried to lean down to get the cat, but a sharp pain shot through her side and she gave a yell. Eye froze and stared up at her, and Lea took the opportunity and pushed the door shut.

Hand pressed into her ribs Lea leaned against the door, panting. The pain was now radiating into her belly, and tears were springing into her eyes.

This was probably bad…

But maybe it’d be ok. She just needed to rest for a moment. Yes, lie on the bed for a few minutes, then take some Advil and she’d be just fine.

Letting go of the door, Lea slowly moved toward the bedroom, Eye at her heels.

*

Norman’s flight had been bang on time and everything had been as smooth as he’d not had it in months. The weekend had been tiring, and he’d not gotten much sleep on the plane, but at least he had a couple of days off now before the mad dash started again. And he’d get to spend at least some of that time with his girl.

If she still wanted to be his girl after what he’d have to tell her that night. Sometimes Norman thought she just might, and all would be ok. But then, not five minutes later, all the doubts would come back, and the disgust with himself, and he was sure he’d lose her. And she’d be totally right, he’d been the worst kind of asshole boyfriend.

The only way to know for sure, of course, was for them to talk, and right away.

Norman let himself into his apartment just after seven. He’d not quite closed the door behind himself when Eye came toward him from the direction of the bedrooms. This wasn’t normal for him at all, the cat didn’t usually come to him right away to say hello, he usually needed a little while to get over the pout of having been left alone for so long.

Dropping his bag Norman picked the cat up and made for the stairs. Lea was probably in the kitchen, making dinner. Hopefully she’d not gone to too much trouble, he’d hate for them both to lose their appetite once he’d said his bit and then throw out a feast.

But the upstairs was deserted. Norman looked around, puzzled. Lots of ingredients were set out in the kitchen, but from the looks of it Lea hadn’t even started on whatever it was she’d wanted to make.

He put Eye down and went back down the stairs. Maybe she’d decided to take a nap. She’d been fond of naps recently, and Norman wondered distractedly what was up with that anyway.

“Lea?”

He pushed the bedroom door open and took a couple of steps into the room. The bed was rumpled, but that room was empty as well. He was about to leave the bedroom, fishing out his phone as he went. Maybe she’d gone out to buy something at the bodega around the corner. As Norman turned his eyes fell on a strange-looking spot on the floor by the bathroom door.

He walked over, wondering what it could be. From afar it looked like a smudge… When he was standing right above it, looking down, he thought for a moment that his heart would just stop. There was a footprint clearly visible on the light wooden floor – and that footprint was in blood. His eyes followed more blood droplets seemingly leading toward the bed, and when he saw the huge, dark stain on the bedsheets that had been invisible from the door his heart suddenly started racing in his chest.

Norman whirled around, yanking open the bathroom door. What he saw nearly made him pass out.

Lea was lying on the tiled floor in the middle of the small room. She wasn’t moving and her eyes were closed. Her left arm lay outstretched toward the door, the other one draped over her middle. Without even being aware that he was moving Norman hurried to her side, scanning her body. What he saw made him feel cold with fear.

There was a large puddle of blood beneath Lea, staining her jeans at the front and all over her thighs. Norman’s eyes snapped back to her face. She was deathly pale, and her lips were starting to turn blue.

“Lea…”

Norman dropped by her side, hands hovering over her, but he didn’t dare touch. What if he did more damage…

“Oh no… nonono…”

The phone he’d dropped by his side suddenly buzzed and he jumped. But the sound had unstuck his mind for him. Norman pressed the reject button and immediately dialed 911 with trembling fingers.

“Hello emergency services. What is the nature of your emergency?”

“It’s my girlfriend. She’s bleeding…she fell in the bathroom…”

“Sir, where is she bleeding from?”

“She…oh, god…,” and the realization hit Norman like a fist to the head. He brought his left hand up to his mouth and bit down hard on it to keep from screaming.

“Sir?”

“I think… I think she’s having a miscarriage… there is so much blood, oh god…”

“Is she conscious?”

“No…”

“Sir, can you see if she is breathing on her own?”

“At…at the moment, yes…”

“Do you know if she’s hit her head?”

“I… I don’t…no…”

“Ok, don’t worry. Sir, what is your address?”

Norman reeled it off automatically.

“An ambulance will be there in five minutes. Sir, I’ll stay on the phone with you until then, ok?”

“Can…can I touch her?”

“Really gently. Don’t move her, but keep an eye on her breathing. If she wakes up keep her still.”

The next five minutes were the longest of Norman’s life. Lea didn’t stir, just grew paler and paler, and her breathing slowed down by the second. Norman kept stroking her face, afraid to look anywhere but at her closed eyes, her pale skin, as if he could keep her breathing if he stared hard enough. His lips moved soundlessly, over and over breathing the same words: _Don’t die, baby girl…_

He was alternately hot and cold, numb with fear, on the verge of throwing up, or passing out himself, or both. At one point he was about to lose his balance and he put his hand down to steady himself, not thinking. He felt the cool stickiness of coagulating blood and stared down at his fingers resting in the steadily spreading crimson, blossoming against the gleaming white tiles. Like in a dream he lifted his hand in front of his eyes, staring at the red slowly running down his wrist, soaking into the sleeve of his gray shirt.

This was what she hadn’t been able to tell him. That there was…had been…a baby. He felt tears welling up then, could no longer hear the soothing voice of the emergency operator that kept telling him to stay calm.

A baby…

He didn’t want any more children, and he’d thought she didn’t want any, either. Was that why she hadn’t said anything? Was she going to get rid of it without telling him? But she’d been behaving oddly for weeks. Why had she not done it ages ago, then? And finding out like this… Norman balled his bloody hand into a fist, sticky and wet, digging his nails into his palm until warm, fresh blood mingled with hers.

He couldn’t take it in…

When the doorbell rang Norman nearly jumped out of his skin. He hurried to let the paramedics in, hanging up the phone as he went without another word to the operator. He buzzed the downstairs door open, threw the apartment door wide. Then he practically ran back to Lea’s side, but remembered, in the last second, to snatch up Eye and lock him into the spare bedroom. The cat hissed but Norman just dropped him and closed the door.

He’d not spoken to her while he’d waited for the ambulance, but when he dropped down by her side again now he carded his hand through Lea’s hair and whispered, “It’s ok now, baby girl… Help’s here, they’ll fix it… you gonna be ok…”

And then there was a flurry of activity, people talking to him, asking questions. There seemed to be dozens of them, but Norman knew in reality there were at most three. He shrank back against the far wall of the bathroom in a crouch, knees drawn up tightly into his chest, fists stuffed into his mouth. Everything seemed indistinct behind a curtain of tears.

Finally they loaded Lea onto a stretcher, and they took him along. He later had no recollection of the drive in the ambulance, other than her pale face under the oxygen mask, and being buffeted around at high speed.

When they pulled up outside an ER Norman climbed down from the ambulance to find that they’d come to Langone. He vaguely recalled telling the paramedics that this was where Lea worked.

Everything was happening in snapshots now, with long minutes lost in between.

Kathy, asking him what had happened.

Kathy, showing him into a quiet waiting room away from the main bustle.

A face he didn’t know. Some doctor, asking him if he was ok. He nodded, and the man left.

Kathy, bringing him coffee, which got cold untouched on a little table in the corner.

Norman paced, biting down hard on the nails of his thumbs. Back and forth he went, with no concept of how much time had passed. His heart started to race every few minutes, and he was on the verge of leaving the waiting room, to find Kathy, or anyone, to tell him what was happening. He never did, afraid what they would say. Afraid to be seen.

“Sir, can I talk to you for a moment?”

Norman turned toward the voice and saw a man in uniform standing in the doorway. A police officer. Norman’s blood turned to ice.

“Is this…is it about Lea? Is she…is she ok?”

The officer came into the room, ignoring Norman’s questions. He pulled out a notepad and motioned toward several chairs standing against a wall.

“Please sit down, sir.”

Norman, exhausted and frightened, automatically obeyed without question. The officer took a seat opposite him.

“Sir, what is your relationship with Dr. Winters?”

“She’s my girlfriend… Who are you? Is Lea ok?”

“It was at your house that Dr. Winters suffered the miscarriage?”

“Yes. Why…”

“Were you there when she lost consciousness?”

“No. I came back from London, and found her…”

“What were you doing in London?”

“I… I was there for work. Listen, what is this about, I don’t understand why you’re asking me these questions...”

“Sir, do you have an explanation for Dr. Winters’ injuries?”

“What injuries? She… she lost the baby…”

“Dr. Winters has two broken ribs on her left, as well as bruising to her hip and arm.”

“But I…”

“Did you know before tonight that Dr. Winters was pregnant?”

“I…no… Can I see her please?”

Without being conscious of it Norman got up from the chair, but the officer leapt up too and barred his way.

“You can’t, sir.”

“What do you mean? What are you saying… you think I hurt her…?”

“Please sit down, sir.”

Norman didn’t have a choice, his legs were suddenly weak and he felt sick. He sank back into the chair.

“Just answer my questions, sir…”

The room seemed to be spinning out of focus. Norman gripped on to the chair hard, leaning forward and rocking himself, eyes closed.

Where were they headed? What did this officer want with him?

And Lea… he had to see her, make sure she was ok… She’d tell them they got it all wrong… Oh please, let her be ok… she’d tell them straight…

She had to.

*

Her first thought when she came to was how sore she felt. Not in an awful, awful way, just really, bloody, uncomfortably sore. Even lying totally still all her muscles seemed to be screeching for her to stop whatever it was she was doing. Which was, precisely, nothing. She just lay there, breathing, but that alone was unpleasant enough. She gave a little moan without meaning to.

“Welcome back…”

Lea turned her head -ouch, more unpleasantness - and saw Kathy standing by her side, looking grave, but a little relieved, too. She’d probably been hovering anxiously and was glad to see her finally coming around. Lea looked around herself, spotting two units of blood on an IV stand, as well as saline and a small pouch she knew to be platelets. There was an IV in the back of her left hand, and it hurt. She brought her right up to her face. Oxygen tubes, of course. They were bloody uncomfortable, too.

“What happened?”

“You…,” Kathy looked like she didn’t want to be the one to deliver the news, but Lea knew already what she was going to say, and eventually Kathy got it out. “You had a miscarriage, Lea. Dr. M. has stopped the bleeding, but he wants the OBGYN to have a look… He’s gone to get them down to admit you…”

“How did I get here? I was at Norman’s house... I was lying down, then I remember nothing…”

Kathy’s expression was one of anger. “He called an ambulance.”

“Where is he?”

“Not here…”

“What do you mean? Kathy, where’s Norman?”

“Doug is talking to him.”

“The cop that keeps hanging around the nurses’ station? Why?!”

“Because of what he did to you…”

“What do you mean? He didn’t do anything…”

“He broke two of your ribs…”

“What are you talking about? I fell over the cat, on the stairs…”

“But…”

“Kathy, there’s been a mistake… a terrible… he wasn’t even home. Go, tell them now! Tell Doug to lay off, it was a misunderstanding!”

“But he…”

“ _NOW_ , Kathy! And bring him here right away!”

*

“Lea!”

“Oh god, darling, are you all right?”

Norman rushed to her side, eyes wild, face white as a sheet. He looked ready to keel over as he stood rooted to the spot by the side of the bed, trembling from head to foot, afraid to come closer or touch her.

“Oh baby girl…”

Lea gestured to Kathy who was lurking by the door, still looking like she was unconvinced Norman was innocent.

“Get him a chair, will you?” And when the nurse pushed one toward Norman Lea looked at him. “Sit. You look like you’re about to fall over…”

Norman dropped into the chair with a shaky sigh and Lea could see his eyes fill with tears as he looked her up and down.

“Oh baby girl… I’m so sorry…”

“Don’t, Norman. You didn’t do anything.”

His hands clenched and unclenched on the bed next her, and still he wouldn’t touch her. Lea reached over and inserted her right hand into his, holding fast.

“You didn’t tell me… were… were you afraid…?”

Lea closed her eyes. She could feel the tears pressing on the inside of her own eyelids now.

“I don’t know… It just never… never seemed right… I really don’t know…”

“What happened today, babe?”

Lea felt his hand against her face now, hesitant, but she leaned into the touch and he gently stroked her cheek.

Should she tell him about Diane? But he’d had plenty of shocks that day already, she knew he’d take this very badly. And she felt so tired…she hardly had the strength to keep awake, all of a sudden…

“I fell down the stairs… Eye, he… it was dark, and he was lurking, and I nearly stepped on him…”

“Is that how you broke your ribs? And…and the rest?”

“Yeah. Oh darling I’m so sorry they thought…I told them, the moment I woke up…”

But he waved her away. “Don’t matter… that stupid cat…”

“No, please…it’s not his fault…”

She looked at him pleadingly, and her heart hurt, on top of everything else. He looked so sad, so worried… Lea noted the exhaustion on his features, and how pale he was. She didn’t want to add to their misery, but there was one more thing she had to say.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about this sooner. I didn’t want this to happen, but…” He looked like he was about to say something, but she stopped him with a raise of her hand. “Wait… wait one moment? I gotta say this…Norman, I didn’t want this baby… or any… any children…”

Tears were running down her face now, and she couldn’t carry on. This was almost too much, she felt so weak, and if she wasn’t mistaken she was bleeding again too. There was a warmth spreading beneath her, but she felt cold as ice all over.

But she had to deal with his grief. He put his forehead on the pillow next to her face, gripping her hand hard. His shoulders were shaking, she knew he was crying hard now, but it was entirely silently.

“Don’… don’t, baby girl…,” his voice was hardly audible, but she knew to be quiet now, he had to say his bit, too. “Don’t blame yourself… ‘s ok, not t’want a baby…”

For a minute or so they both just let the tears run their course, but Lea could see Kathy looking uneasy where she stood by the foot of the bed. She knew the nurse had spotted the renewed blood loss on her face, but Lea shook her head. _One moment,_ she mouthed at Kathy.

“Honey, you should go and rest up. Kathy, can you take him to a quiet room?”

“I want to stay…”

But Lea shook her head. “Darling, you’ve had a nasty shock, and you’re exhausted. Please, go with Kathy. You can come upstairs when they’re done with me…”

She squeezed his hands again, but Norman shook his head. “’m fine, I’ll go get a coffee. I can wait out there until you’re ready upstairs…”

He got up from the chair, but suddenly turned gray and staggered sideways, just catching himself with a hand on the bed before he could fall. Lea automatically made a grab for him, and a sharp pain pierced her side. Her ribs throbbed, and she barely suppressed a groan.

Kathy rushed forwards then and grabbed on to Norman, then helped him lower himself back into the chair. Lea, clutching her side, took his hand again. It felt ice cold now.

“You ok, honey?”

“Got dizzy…”

“Kathy, find him somewhere to lie down. Give him 2.5 Diazepam IV and some water. Then find Dr. M., and that OBGYN guy. Norman, you go with Kathy, and don’t argue. I don’t have the strength for it.”

She watched Kathy help Norman to his feet once he had given her a reluctant nod, chewing his lower lip. They walked out of the room slowly, and Lea leaned back and closed her eyes.

She could feel the blood pooling under her. Where was the gynecologist? Why did she have to solve everyone else’s problems when she couldn’t even fix herself?

Why was life so hard sometimes?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please remember, this is fiction. I use real people as inspiration, but none of the women in these chapters have done anything remotely what I describe. I make it all up! I think they are amazing women, actually...


	8. Epilogue

“Where d’you think you’re going?”

Norman, who’d just climbed the stairs, came hurrying over to Lea who had pushed herself up to sitting on the sofa.

“I’m thirsty…”

“I’ll make your drink, stay put.”

“And I need a wee…”

“Then I’ll take you.”

She looked up at him, amused and exasperated at the same time. He looked at her with an anxious but slightly impatient impression. Seemed it was true what they said. Doctors do make the worst patients.

“Oh, all right then…”

“Here, take my arm.”

Norman leaned down and Lea let him help her to her feet. She winced. Every movement still felt like someone was stabbing her repeatedly in the side with a knife. But she was already tired of lying around. Barely 36 hours since they’d arrived at the hospital, and she was ready to smash things, she was so bored.

Finally upright Lea stopped for a moment to let the aches and pains settle down to a manageable level. Norman put his arms around her and she leaned into him with a sigh.

“Ok, baby girl?”

“Yeah…let’s move.”

Norman took her all the way to the upstairs bathroom, but there she disentangled herself from his arms gently.

“It’s ok, I can go pee on my own…”

“You sure?”

“ _Yes._ ”

He’d been extremely anxious ever since he’d brought her home from the hospital the previous day. Lea had checked herself out after less than 24 hours, against doctors’ orders. One night in that place was enough. Lea knew she’d never view her workplace in quite the same light again. Being in hospital because you were unwell was really, really unpleasant.

Norman was waiting for her when she emerged from the bathroom. Lea wouldn’t have admitted it, but she was relieved. Just going for a pee was still such an ordeal. But she knew she was healing ok. There was no more bleeding, and in a day or two most of the discomfort she was experiencing would have disappeared.

Now she stepped into Norman’s waiting arms, glad that he was there for her. She hugged him and nuzzled his neck, and he held her carefully against him. She knew how worried he was about hurting her broken ribs, and appreciated the extra gentleness.

“Wanna lie down again, doc?”

“If I have to… you making me coffee, too?”

“No coffee, baby girl. Caffeine increases the risk of bleeding.”

Lea gave a big sigh at that, but then had to smile. It was sweet, the way he had memorized all the instructions the gynecologist had given them.

“Who’s the doctor now, huh? All right then, make me a tea.”

When they got back to the sofa Lea lowered herself slowly. Up hadn’t been so bad, she decided. Down was definitely worse. Norman lifted her legs up onto the seat, then spread the quilt over her again. His face was so serious in concentration as he carefully smoothed it over her legs Lea had to smile again.

A huge wave of affection washed over her. As soon as he’d been allowed into her hospital room up on the OBGYN ward Norman had insisted that she would come home with him when she was released, and that he wouldn’t leave her out of his sight until she had recovered.

“I’ll cancel everything, I’ll look after you, baby girl…”

It had been then that she’d realized that her nickname was now standard, and no longer meant he needed her to do something. And it looked like he’d meant what he’d said. He’d spent the last day on the phone, negotiating, explaining, shifting around everything in his diary so he could stay in the city and at home for at least a week.

When he straightened up and caught her looking at him he smiled a little bashfully.

“I’ll make ginger tea, you want that, too?”

Lea made a face. “I’m not seasick…”

“It’s nice, actually.”

“I’ll take your word for it. Can I have a decaf Earl Grey instead?”

“Sure thing.”

While Norman busied himself in the kitchen with the kettle Lea rested her eyes. The last few days still felt so unreal. Lea hadn’t changed her mind about not wanting the baby, but she hadn’t wanted this to happen, either. And it had hurt and traumatized Norman almost more than her, and that worried her more than anything.

Lea had no illusions, she knew that not everything was well between them overnight, just because he was sweet and kind and taking care of her. Many things remained unsaid between them, and they would have to address those if they wanted to move forward.

But she knew that, in essence, they were on the same page. They loved each other, and they wanted this to work. Norman had shown her this over and over ever since the accident. He’d refused to go home to rest even though he’d been exhausted and almost sick with the jetlag. He’d climbed into her hospital bed with her as soon as she had allowed it, and while they’d both been conked out on Diazepam they’d been very content just to sleep curled up into each other. It had been some of the best sleep of her life.

Lea was disrupted in her contemplations by a quiet meowing near the floor, and the next moment Eye landed lightly next to her on the sofa. She petted his head and he purred loudly, then climbed over her and wedged himself into the space between her side and the sofa.

“Silly kitty…”

Norman, carrying two mugs, reappeared from around the corner. Lea tried pushing herself to sitting, and Norman quickly put the mugs down.

“Wait…let me help…”

He rearranged the pillows behind her and Lea sank back into them with a grateful sigh. Norman sat down next to her, perched on the very edge of the sofa, facing her. He handed her the mug and they sipped for a moment in contented silence.

Lea could still see the shock on Norman’s face whenever he looked at her like he did now. She took his hand from where it was absently worrying at the hem of the quilt on her lap.

“Don’t frown so, darling. I’ll be fine. I’m healing really well. I will…there won’t be any permanent damage.”

She’d only barely managed to avoid what was on the tip of her tongue: _I will still be able to have children._ Because while that was true, nothing had changed. She didn’t want any.

He looked so worried and sad all of a sudden it made her heart heavy again. Lea kept quiet and held very still. She knew he had to talk about it, and at his own pace. After a couple of minute of staring straight down at their intertwined fingers Norman gave a sigh but didn’t look up.

“I thought you were gonna die. And when that cop talked to me, I… I thought I’d killed you…”

“But honey, you didn’t touch me… you’d never…”

But he just shook his head. Lea knew instinctively that something in his mind hadn’t quite unsnapped yet, and that he’d have to work through this on his own, even if it just sounded crazy to her. She stroked the back of his hand but stayed quiet.

Finally he looked up and his eyes were full of tears.

“Don’t ever leave me…”

“Oh, honey!”

Lea took his mug from him, then put it down on the floor together with her own. The movement made another stab of pain slice through her side but she ignored it.

“Come here…”

She took both his hand and tugged, and Norman came to her and hugged her, and Lea wrapped her arms around him tightly. She could feel him shaking as he finally let go of the tension, crying in earnest now. Lea held him, stroking his back while her own tears flowed freely.

Somehow they ended up nestled against each other on the sofa, her head on his chest, his hand in her hair. Lea felt Norman relax when the crying fit subsided, and, warm and comfortable in his arms, she felt herself drifting off to sleep.

*

When she woke and opened her eyes Norman was in a chair across from her, sketch book on his knees.

“What’re you doing?”

“Had an idea…gotta sketch it before it’s gone again…”

“Can I see?”

“Not yet…”

Lea stretched, then winced and her hand went to the left where her ribs were still sore. Norman frowned, poised to get up from his seat, but she waved him off.

“It’s ok. It’ll heal…eventually…”

He didn’t look convinced. Lea smiled.

“I swear it’s fine. I’d tell you if it wasn’t. Pinky swear… Hey, is Mingus still coming?”

“Yeah… but only if that’s ok with you?”

“Course it is!”

“I won’t be long, I’ll drive over, grab your stuff and come right back.”

“You don’t have to do it…”

“No, but I want to,” he smiled. This kind of exchange was almost a ritual between them by now. “Thought of anything else you need?”

“Nah, just what’s on the list. Papers are the most important…”

He frowned again. “You’re not supposed to worry about work. You heard Dr. M…”

“Norman, in a day I’ll be climbing the walls with boredom. You won’t want me around with nothing to do then, trust me…” His face was creasing in a frown and she couldn’t help but giggle. She regretted it right away when her ribs gave another twinge. “Ouch…you mother hen… just don’t come back without the papers, that’s all…”

“You sure you’re ok? Want some painkillers?”

“Nah…but I might go back to sleep.”

“You do that, baby girl.”

*

There was another person in the same chair across from her when Lea woke again. Mingus looked up from his iPad when Lea stretched and rubbed her eyes.

“Hi…”

“Hey. Dad told you I was coming, right?”

“Yeah. Listen, you don’t need to sit with me…”

He shrugged, the world-weariness of the resigned teenager everywhere very prominent on his face. Lea suppressed a smile.

“It’s ok. I do it for him all the time, when his head’s bad. And when he fell out last winter…”

But Mingus stopped himself there, looking up fleetingly at Lea as if to see whether she’d noticed that he’d told a secret he wasn’t supposed to reveal. Lea kept quiet, but made a mental not. What had happened last winter?

“Hey, you need anything?” Mingus asked, clearly trying to cover up his blunder.

“A coffee would be amazing…”

But now the boy gave a knowing grin. “Dad said you’d ask. You’re not allowed.”

Again Lea had to hide a smile. This was one precocious kid all right…

“I made you one, remember? And never tattled... So as long as we don’t tell your dad…” And when he still looked unconvinced Lea added sincerely, “It won’t harm me, I promise. I’m a doctor, I know about these things.”

Mingus thought about that for a moment, then nodded and got up.

“Latte?”

“Yes, please!”

Just the anticipation of the hot, frothy treat had Lea excited, and she waited impatiently for Mingus to get back. While she lay there waiting, slowly shaking off the last remnants of her nap she thought about the changes in her relationship with Norman over the last few days. He’d dropped virtually everything to look after her, and he’d even talked his son into helping. It wasn’t necessarily an indication that they would work out long term, Lea knew that. But for now she promised herself to try and take it one day at a time, enjoy what they had, even if that was difficult.

Her thoughts were interrupted by a phone ringing, and she automatically started looking around for hers. But then it stopped before she’d even located the iPhone, and Lea realized that it had been Mingus’ and not her cell.

“Hello?” There was a pause while the boy listened. “Yeah, she is. Hang on.”

Mingus reappeared from the kitchen, holding his phone outstretched in one hand and a mug in the other. Lea took the phone from him and Mingus placed the mug on a coaster on the coffee table, making a shushing gestured with one finger against his lips, then pointed at the phone. Lea grinned, then winked at him that she’d understood. She raised the phone to her ear.

“Hey honey. You ok?”

“Fine, yeah… it’s just…I don’t know what papers you want. There’s piles everywhere…”

Suppressing the urge to roll her eyes Lea tried to visualize her place, and the stacks of research papers she’d accumulated over the last few weeks.

“See the one by the sofa? There’s a red magazine on top…take all of them. And a bag full of stuff on the chair.”

“The one by the desk?”

“No, against the wall…”

There were footsteps, and a rustling noise, then, “Ah, got it. Any more?”

“No, that’ll do, honey. Thank you.”

“I packed the clothes and the stuff from the bedroom. Is there anything else, from the bathroom, or…”

Then there was suddenly silence and Lea was disquieted to hear his breath hitching in his throat.

“Darling, what’s the matter? Talk to me…”

“I’m sorry… oh, Lea…I see you lying there, and all the blood…”

“Norman, listen to me. Sit down, right now!” She waited a moment. “You found somewhere?”

“Yeah… ‘m on the sofa…”

In her mind’s eye Lea could see him hunched over on her small sofa, looking miserable.

“Good, now listen. I’m fine, I’ll heal just fine. You saved me, Norman. And now you’re looking after me, you managed to rearrange everything. I love you. I want to be with you. Nobody has meant this much to me in a long time.”

She took a deep breath, realizing that Mingus, back in the kitchen now, had gone very quiet. Sod it, Lea thought. This would either be the real thing and the boy would have to get used to her and his dad being together. Or it wouldn’t work, and then it didn’t matter that she’d made a fool of herself in front of him. She focused her mind back on Norman, whose ragged breathing on the other end of the phone told her that he was still struggling.

“Darling, I know this was awful for you, and I know how hard it’s right now. But I’m so grateful to have you. You’re doing so well, you can do this. It’s all gonna be fine…”

There was more silence while Norman worked it all out in his mind. Lea knew him well enough now to know that’s what he needed to do, take it all in steps. Then, very quietly, “I love you too, baby girl. We…we can do this…”

It wasn’t quite a question, but Lea knew he needed her to answer anyway.

“Yes, darling. We can.”

“Ok…,” very quietly again, “’m gonna try...”

“Come home now, honey. You safe to drive?”

“Yeah…”

“You sure? Maybe call a taxi…”

“Nah… I’ll… I’ll go and have a smoke on your balcony, then I’ll head back. See you soon, kay?”

“Okay. Be careful. I… I need you, you know…”

“I need you too, baby girl… See you real soon.”

“Bye.”

Lea waited for Norman to hang up, then held the phone out to Mingus who’d reappeared as they were saying their goodbyes.

“He ok?”

Mingus took the phone and looked at her with a slightly worried frown.

“Yeah, he’s fine. It’s hard on him…”

Mingus nodded and resumed his seat.

“He’s not so good with…problems. I mean…he goes out of his way to help, but…he gets scared, I guess…”

Lea wondered what was going through the boy’s head. She felt sorry for him as she watched him trying to explain his dad’s reaction to crisis. She got the feeling that Mingus had had to grow up fast, living with Norman.

She kept quiet, instinct telling her that the boy had something else on his mind, and was proven correct almost immediately.

“I know he loves me… but his work, it gets in the way…”

“I bet it does,” Lea said gently. “And now I’ve entered the picture, and it probably seems like he’ll have even less time for you…”

“Oh, I don’t mind you being here,” Mingus said quickly. “I hope it’ll work out with you two. You’re nice…”

“Thanks,” Lea smiled, knowing what high praise that was from a teenager.

“Maybe…,” Mingus continued, but then glanced at her nervously from the corner of his eyes. Lea waited, but nothing else was forthcoming.

“Maybe what?” she finally prompted. “You can tell me, Mingus.”

“Maybe he’ll slow down a bit. You’re a doctor, and maybe he’ll listen…”

“Mingus…”

“Oh, I know you can’t just fix him like that. But maybe he’ll be, y’know…more interested in his family again, if you’re a part of it…”

Lea felt a lump in her throat. Mingus’ face was so hopeful, it nearly broke her heart. She didn’t want to dash his dreams, but how to explain to a sixteen-year-old that life wasn’t usually that straightforward?

She looked at him, his sweet, angelic face lit up with hope, and felt a strange sadness. Lea wondered at herself. Things weren’t bleak at all right now, so why would her gut feeling warn her of more imminent heartache? She tried to push that feeling away and smiled, hoping it looked convincing.

“Let’s see what happens, ok? But I’m definitely here to stay for now, and your dad and I are doing our best to work things out…”

It seemed enough for Mingus who looked relieved, nodded to himself in the same dreamy way Norman tended to do, and returned to his iPad. Lea just hoped she was right in her prediction.

*

He’s driving mostly on autopilot. He knows the city, so he’s not worried about getting lost or missing some danger. The part of his brain not focused on the road is busy, very busy, with what’s happened to them in the last few days.

He has his baby girl back, and he’s so glad. He was sure she’d die, there, on his bathroom floor.

What happened keeps flashing before his eyes. Blood, crimson-black, on him, his hands, the floor, everywhere, and it won’t come off… He scrubbed that floor for what felt like hours that first night back home, while she slept, exhausted, in the bed nearby. He’d thrown out the sheets that had been drenched in blood as well, but there’s still dried blood on the mattress. He didn’t tell her, it didn’t matter. But he’ll replace it the first chance he gets.

He shakes his head, tries to dislodge the images, but they just intensify, are joined by the face of that stupid cop who blamed him for what had happened to his girl.

His heart is beating fast now in his chest, his hands are shaking on the steering wheel. He has to stop, it’s not safe, he can’t see properly through the memories. Pulling over, cutting across several lanes, angry horns all around him, but he hardly hears. Putting the Jeep into Park, he exhales shakily, then leans his head on his hands on the wheel.

He loves her. He wants to be with her.

But he’s not sure that’s enough, to make the memories go away. To give him a reason for coming home at night.

It’s never been enough in the past.

Another memory flashes before his eyes. Blond hair, sweet, doll-shaped face. Diane had been there just before the accident, Lea had said. He’d only briefly glanced into the box she’d brought. It was full of photos.

He hasn’t even said thank you yet. And anyway…why not?

Because…there are a thousand reasons why this is wrong, why it’s a terrible idea, but he pushes them all away.

He fishes his phone out of his pants pocket and quickly types a message, presses send before he can change his mind.

_Thx 4 the pix. Let’s meet up soon. X_

Strangely, he’s calmer now. He’s disgusted with himself, but the visions of blood and death are gone.

Jon is right, he’ll never stop until he confesses it all. But his friend is wrong, too. Maybe he needs the self-destruction to be alive, to have hope.

To function at all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading, everyone! :) This is the end of Part 2, but Part 3 is already taking shape in my mind...


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